Y/n x Spider (From Avatar: The Way of Water) Part 2

That's downright embarrassing.

(Spider's POV)

Before I can grab Y/n's shoulder, she turns around to look at me. I back up, because I've gotten too close to her. I know how Y/n is about her personal space.

Now is my time to confess. I need to tell Y/n. The time is right.

"I like you. I can't get you off my mind. I just want you to be gone, so that I don't have to deal with the struggle of not knowing whether or not you are serious when you play games. I want to know if you are genuine when you say those things, that you make out to be jokes. I wish to know if the yearning eye contact that you keep with me is telling the honest truth with it's words. I wish to know if you feel sick in your stomach when you feel my touch as well. I wish to know if you dream about me, like I do you. I wish to know if you think the sun rises and sets just for us to have more days together. I wish to know if you go to bed thinking about me, and wake up thinking about me, like I do you. I wish to know if these feelings are all truths, and nothing but that. I wish to know if you have a place within your heart, just for me. I wish to know if you care about me, like I do you. I wish to know if you just want me to never have existed, so that you don't have to feel these rancid feelings for me, like I do you."

I am violently shocked at the words that have just come out of Y/n's mouth.

"I-" I begin, still putting together my words like they are some puzzle pieces, "I do mean the things that I say. The words that are written when we make eye contact are put in ink, a type of ink that never fades and writes out very truthful poems. I don't feel sick when I feel your touch, my stomach does drop, but it's a good feeling. I have had dreams about you. The sun does rise and set just for us, who else would it be doing that for? I do go to bed thinking about you, and you are the first thing on my mind when I wake up, I always check to see if you're still in bed, first thing in the morning. These feelings could never be lies, nobody can come up with a lie so real. I do have a place in my heart for you, and it has all your favorite books there, along with you. I care about you very much. And I don't want you to never have existed. My life would have no purpose without you."

I feel so vulnerable, as if I just cut open my chest, broken my ribs, ripped out my heart and gave it to Y/n. Is this what vulnerability is supposed to feel like? Am I supposed to be happy about this? I don't feel happy. I feel like sinking. I don't feel like I am sinking, I feel like I want to sink into the floor.

Y/n shrugs, as if she doesn't feel the same vulnerability, "Well, I suppose that's that then."

I starts to get confused, "What do you mean?"

Y/n furrows her eyebrows, "I've said my piece, what more do you want from me?"

"What?" Is all that I can let escape from my mouth.

Y/n laughs, "What's wrong?"

My jaw drops. Why is she laughing? Am I insane? Did we not just share that same moment? Was I the only one that was there? What's going on?

"What do you mean, 'that's that'?" I ask.

Y/n looks equally as confused as I am. Which makes no sense.

I elaborate more, "I thought we were going to be... I don't know. A thing."

Y/n tilts her head in confusion. I'm assuming that she's never heard of the term, "A thing." I wouldn't expect any less from Y/n. She's not that in-touch with slang, her face is always buried in a book.

I explain, "You know, be in a relationship? I know you've read about those." Sometimes, there's nothing else to do, so I read some chapters of Y/n's books. There are some vulgar and in-depth things in those books, but I decide not to bring that up to Y/n.

Y/n brings her head back to it's original position and she starts laughing.

My jaw drops, again.

Between laughs, Y/n says, "Are you actually dumber than I thought?"

I am now getting very frustrated. We literally just shared the most intimate moment possible, and now she's laughing at me, calling me dumb? What is wrong with her?

Y/n can clearly see my frustration, "Listen, it isn't anything personal. I just don't want anyone to know that I like you. That's downright embarrassing. I hardly want to know that I like you, myself."

"What's so wrong with liking me?" I ask, a little offended.

Y/n stops laughing, "I've always led on that I hate you. It would be so very hypocritical of myself to admit that I like you, don't you think? It would be like you reading, even though you go on and on about how I should be outside more often and not reading a book."

The less she knows about my reading habits, the better.

I totally get what she means, but I'm still a little insulted that she would rather defend her "reputation" than be happy, with me. It just doesn't make a whole lot of sense to me.

"Oh." Is all that I say. And with that being said, I leave.

I go put on my mask, and go outside. And I don't turn back, to look at Y/n, like I usually would.

I'm not even going to lie right now, I am hurt that Y/n cares about her reputation more than she cares about me. When she was confessing how she feels, she literally said that she cares about me. Clearly not enough, I guess.

I just don't get it.

Why would she rather uphold her reputation than start a good, healthy relationship with me?