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08: Consummation

08: Consummation

There was a short celebration after the wedding. We ate, and made a toast, and the Duke of the North made a speech for his nephew and his now official wife. We received and opened gifts, and after the little gathering, we left for the consummation night.

All through those times, ako lang ang masaya. Hendrix is using his usual bored face and intimidating aura. Napapansin ko rin na hindi niya sinasamahan ang pag-uusap ng Duke sa ilang na-imbita nito sa kasal namin. I did all the courtesy, and dang it, gusto ko ng matulog.

But I can't. Before the night ends, I need Hendrix to be in the wedding chamber, but that darn punk is late. Nababagot na ako kakatingin sa pinto kung kailan ito bubukas. If he is not coming, tatalon talaga ako mula rito. Nasa fourth floor pa naman ako ng kastilyo.

"Isa..." bulong ko habang matalim ba tinitigan ang pintuan. "Kapag hindi bubukas 'yan pagkatapos kong sambitin ang tatlo, tatalon talaga ako...dalawa!"

I heave a deep sigh and close my eyes. "Tatlo-"

I heard the door open that made me open my eyes and look at who would be standing there. Agad nagtama ang tingin namin ni Hendrix. Bumaba ako ng kama para maging presentable ang itsura ko sa harapan niya.

He walked in without drifting his gaze at my eyes, and might as well what I was wearing. Tinablan ata ako ng hiya ngayon pero in my defense, it was the Duchess who picked this fucking chemise for me to wear.

"I am not supposed to be here," he said.

Napamaang ako. Well, that phrase made all my preparations wasted like it doesn't matter. "Not supposed to? It's our wedding night, you should be here..."

"I married you so that you won't be ousted, Lady Isabella-Bella, if that is what you prefer. However, aside from the paper and all those courtesies, there is no reason for us to follow the tradition."

Bumagsak ata lahat ng kumpyansa ko sa sarili. Ang hirap paamohin ng mokong na ito. Kailangan ko ba siya iuntog? Tangina, ang sarap magmura pero pinigilan kong magalit. Hindi pa naman ako mabait, shet!

"But, I can't be called your wife if we're not going to consummate our marriage," mahinahon na sabi ko, kahit sa loob-loob ko ay gusto kong hilain ang tainga niya.

He suddenly pulled out a vial under his robe and put it on the nearest table on his right. "It is pig's blood, you can splatter it on the sheets and let the maids conclude what happened."

Kung nadudurog lang ang puso, parang durog na durog na 'yong akin. Napangisi na lamang ako ng mapakla at sinuklay ang aking kanang mga daliri sa aking buhok bago ako napanuya ng mahina. I knew he always has this stubborn behavior but I didn't know I'll be witnessing it on our first night.

"Why are you doing this?" hindi ko na mapigilan hindi itanong. "I told you, no one sent me here other than myself. I submit my whole life to you without ill intent. As my husband, can't you understand such a request?"

His stare didn't change. He walked past me and went to the other side of the bed. "I will sleep here, but I'm not sleeping with you."

I scoffed, again. Parang gusto kong umiyak ngayon. I've prepared for this but his actions were something I cannot control. Hindi naman siya ganito kanina, tamihik lamang siyang nakatingin sa paligid niya. I should have known that silence is a deadly poison.

He removed the sheet and succumbed on the bed, not looking at me. Nakatalikod siyang humiga kaya't hindi ko na makontrol ang damdamin ko. I took a heavy breath and with heavy steps, I walked towards the balcony. Seryoso ako sa sinabi kong kapag walang mangyayari, tatalon talaga ako.

I tightly grasped the railing and looked down, then swallowed the lump on my throat upon knowing I will not just have a broken bone if I jump, I might be considered dead. Akma ko na sanang itataas ang isa kong paa para umakyat sa railing ng may humila sa akin palayo roon.

Showtime.

"Let me go!" I hissed and sniffed the mucus coming out of my nostrils. "Ano ba, bibitawan mo 'ko o babalian kita?!"

"What were you thinking?!" he yelled back after throwing me on the bed. "Are you really that desperate to get what you want? And if you can't, you'll go straight into harm?!"

I glared at him as I might. "Pakialam mo ba? Sabi mo sa papel lang tayo legal, hindi sa totoong buhay. Kaya wala kang pakialam kung ano gagawin ko. Kung gusto kong mamatay, edi maganda 'yon, wala ka ng asawa bukas!"

"Dammit!" he fumed. "Did I marry a lunatic?"

Napataas ang kilay ko. "I am not a lunatic! I am just a wife who got rejected by my husband. I dare not live if he thinks I am unworthy to stand on his will!"

Even if we shout as we might, no one will hear us. The entire fourth and third floor are empty, and the patrols were ordered not to walk around this side of the castle. Kapag tatalon ako, bukas pa ako makikita. Pero, hindi naman talaga ako mapapahamak kung tatalon ako.

"Enough with this outrageous performance, what is it that you truly want from me?" he asked, nonchalantly. Those sapphire orbs looked at me with questions and wonders. He looks like he is about to lose his fit, and I know what I did is against what he thought would happen.

"Let me be your wife, not just in papers or in front of the people who witnessed this matrimony. Let me be your partner as you vow to be," I explained in the most dejected way. His lips gape. I spoke about what my intent is but his defense is still on. How can I tame this man if he won't give in for tonight?

"Is that alright for you? Submitting yourself to a man whom you just met without even thinking?" he finally said. Yet, what he said made my mouth gape this time.

"That man is my husband, he has rights to my submission. You have rights to do what you want, for I vowed to appease the clause given by this marriage," may diin kong sambit sa kanya. He knew we have to go through this to live like a married couple, why is he hesitating?

"Hendrix, I am your wife now. What you will do to be will be legal in the eyes of the Kingdom's laws. Why would you worry if it is alright to me when in fact I've been waiting for this?" I added.

He shut his lips and tried to look away, but I moved closer to his side. I held his robe that made him look at me by force and when he did, I used that opportunity to seal our distance and kissed him gently on his lips.

"It's alright, I am already yours," I continued.

His hesitation is a blur canvas for me, but I cannot force him to color that plain white space just after our marriage. But, I want us to be officially legal. I want to be his wife in the eyes of the moon peeking over the balcony, giving light to the chamber that was prepared for our night.

"Even if you're mine, you can't just throw yourself at me without even thinking of your own dignity," he said.

"Hendrix naman eh!" inis na sambit ko. "Tangina, paulit-ulit na lang tayo, nakakainis ka na. Ayoko na nga lang. Bwisit-"

Naputol lamang ang aking sasabihin ng hagkan niya ako. Who am I to complain again when it was him who initiated this time?

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