Lies and secrets (Bates motel)

Chapter 13

Today was Friday. Big jump from Sunday to Friday huh? You are probably wondering what on earth I did for four days. I'll tell you. Accepting everything I had read on that letter was definitely harder than I thought it would be. I locked myself in my room and blocked everybody and everything. Yes including the one and only, Dylan. I didn't bother going downstairs since I had no appetite. I had a water bottle beside me on the bedside cabinet which I only took a few sips every now and then. Other than that I stayed in my bed, while my thoughts were roaming all over the place. Of course I had the occasional sleep, but most of the time I lay awake, thinking and asking myself the same questions over and over again; who am I? Why was this kept from me for so long? Why me? Even stupid questions popped up into my head like, were my parents really my parents? Does this stupid box even exist? Or is my name really Elissa Jameson? This sounds totally insane. Of course my parents are my parents, of course the box exists, of course my name is Elissa Jameson...right?

Then again it's not every day you get a letter saying that you have been living a lie for the past nineteen or so of your life. I had no idea what or who to trust any more. Could I even trust myself? There were millions of questions I had been asking myself and I never got the answers to. I had been going over and over all of this thinking and questioning for the last four days. I felt bad for Dylan, Norma and Norman since I had pushed them all away when in fact they were trying to help me. Though, Norman and Norma didn't understand what I was going through. I wouldn't dare tell Norma especially with the things that happened before. Besides, after receiving my mother's bracelet which looked like the exact one Norma had in that box, she sure was hiding something from me. And like that first night she tensed up when I mentioned Joanne and jack's name and kicked me out because of Keith summers. There must be a reason behind this, she must know something. But why was she keeping it from me?

The only person who understood me from the very beginning was Dylan. Although I had no idea about his past and family life, a part of me felt that I could trust him. There was so much stuff I had to fill him in and I never thought about when the right time was. Him just being around me, caused my insides to go insane. I felt we had this sort of connection. But since ignoring him, I was beginning to wonder if we would be as close... Oh Elissa, what am I saying of course he would be okay with me. I haven't done anything to him I just shut myself out, not just to him but to everyone. I didn't do it on purpose. I thought I would be able to handle and accept this but I didn't. It still hadn't got through to me that this was actually happening. I felt I needed space and time to think about things and I isolated myself from everyone.

That is until today. Which was weird I didn't really choose this specific day to be back to normal. I don't think I would use the term 'normal' again since I didn't even know who I really was. But maybe I just needed the break from thinking and actually distract myself by getting out of my room even if that was the least I could do.

I pulled the covers off of me as I got up. I lost my balance for a moment so I sat back down on the bed to regain my strength before raising up again. It felt weird getting up since I hadn't walked for days. I stretched which felt good In a long time. A shower was compulsory. I took my clothes off and turned on the water. When the water was at the right temperature I carefully let myself in the tub and had a relaxing bath.

After my wash, I got dressed into a tee shirt and some leggings. I was in no mood for fixing my hair or make up so I shoved my hair into a messy bun and quickly washed my face and brushed my teeth. About ten minutes later I walked down the stairs, as I usually did. I tried to avoid anything about the letter, and pushed my thoughts aside. I let today be a new day. Well, so I thought. I stepped foot into the Kitchen to see a very shocked Dylan.

"Oh my Gosh. Elissa!" He exclaimed, unexpected to see me. Before I could say anything, his chair slid across the floor as he got up and almost sped walk towards me giving me a tight hug.
"I didn't go anywhere. you do know I was only in my room right?" I must admit I was thrilled to see him. In fact just seeing him took away my sadness for a moment. I had missed him.

"For four days" Dylan said in a serious tone. "I have been worried sick about you! Look at you! You've had no food or a drink down you. I came to your room so many times knocking on your door and you would either be ignoring me or telling me to go away. I have been thinking about you non-stop everyday. I haven't been sleeping. And the letter.! Oh my gosh the letter Is everything okay? Did anything upset you? Are you hurt? Oh my god I can't believe-" I covered his mouth pausing his endless speech.

"Dylan. It's okay...I'm okay." I became speechless not knowing what else to say to him. I was quite shocked about how much he cared for me, I mean why all of a sudden. We have been close but this is a totally different side I've never seen of Dylan. Not a bad thing of course. A pleasant and sweet side of Dylan, which I didn't expect. He looked at me while I was in my thinking zone. I snapped away before I made an even bigger fool of myself and apologised.

"I'm sorry Dylan. I really am. I...I just needed some alone time to think. I was scared confused and worried and the letter is insane Dylan it's just insane!" I almost yelled waving my hands around in frustration.

I was having this crazy moment where my mind was telling me to say one thing and I was coming out with other loads of crap but by the expression on Dylan's face it probably made some sort of sense to him even though I felt I made no sense at all. He pulled me into another embrace.

"Elissa, I am just glad you are fine" I allowed my arms to wrap around his muscular body while I buried my face into his warm chest.

"I am so sorry. My life is just so messed up right now. I'm just...I'm sorry" I repeated in a muffled tone as my eyes began to fill up. I knew sooner or later the thoughts would return.

"There is no need for you to be sorry. I will be here for you we will get through this okay? Don't worry." He pulled our embrace apart for a moment and looked at me whilst his hands were gripped lightly on my shoulders.

"You don't need to tell me what was on that letter Elissa, but I want you to assure me that you are not in any danger. I couldn't bare to lose you Elissa."

My eyes widened at his last sentence. What did that mean? Does he know something and he is not telling me? Does he...love me? My mind slightly became fuzzed and I was slightly confused about how to answer his question, since it now began to ran through my mind. Maybe these lies were kept from me for a reason. What if I regret finding that box and opening it? What if I regret finding out something I shouldn't have or didn't want to find out? What if I put myself in danger? What if... I already have?

"Elissa?" Dylan asked, snapping me out of my deep thinking.

"Uhm, no...I'm not." I replied hesitantly. Deep down I felt like I had replied with the wrong answer.

"Good, then I shouldn't be worried" he said and pulled me back into his warm embrace.