Loving The Knight's

The Girly Sleepover

I'm having a girly night in with Sophie, Kelly and Barrett at my place. We were thinking of going out but for some reason I just didn't fancy it. So the girls agreed to come to mine, have a few drinks, snacks and good music. I'm glad that Kelly and Barrett were able to join us as well. Kelly has been dating Danny, Jordan and Jon's bandmate for a few months and I'm enjoying getting to know her better. A party of me is worrying about Jordan as it's been a few days since I last saw him and I know he's still struggling, despite what he says. I am too, but I have to somehow find my way forward no matter how hard it is to do so.
The girls ordered a takeaway as well which is on its way. We decided to order pizzas and finger type of food.
When Sophie first got here, she came with a box of matching pyjamas and slippers for us all to match. We do look cute. She had little boxes for each of us. They had the pjs, eye masks, chocolates, face masks, hand creams and cute little quote cards that are individual. There were beauty supplies too such as; nail varnish, skin care products and hair bands.

Something like this in our sleepover boxes.
It's been years since I've had a proper girly sleepover like this and I feel like a schoolgirl although I'm a mess mentally but no one needs to know that. Just a group of girlfriends who can have a laugh, share their girly secrets and good munchies.
The delivery person is at the door and Sophie has gone to get it off them. The food smells so good and can't wait to delve in. "The food is here ladies! Tuck in!" I'd already gone to get the plates and tissues for everyone.

Everyone chooses a rom-com movie to put on and I'm happy to not have something tearjerking like I thought they might pick instead. We're almost halfway through when there's knocking at the front door. We all look at each other as if to say who on earth is this at this time of night?! Reluctantly, I stand up to see who it is. To keep the warmth in the living room, I close the door after me.
To say I'm shocked when I open the door to find Jordan standing, leaning against the door frame with a bottle in his hand. "I couldn't stay at home on my own, I kept expecting him to turn up and I thought he was at one point but I realised that I was hallucinating." I notice that it's raining outside now and he's getting rather wet. "Come in, J, before you freeze yourself." He staggers somewhat as he walks in. Barrett is opening the living room door as we're walking through the little hallway, she steps back slightly to allow us room to get past. "Jordan, you go to my bathroom and I'll bring some clean towels for you." I gently push him in the right direction. "Is he okay, Filly? Can I do anything to help?" I smile, meekly to her, not wanting to spoil her night. "I think he's had too much to drink but I'll get him to dry himself and sleep it off. Thanks though Barrett." She squeezes my shoulder and carries on to the kitchen. I take a deep breath. I hear a banging noise coming from the bathroom and I rush into there, to find him fighting with the shelf. I go to him, take the shelf away from him and set it down in the bath for the time being and hand him a towel. "It just fell down." I manage to sit him on the toilet and rub his head dry. "Take off your jacket and give it to me." Although he struggles, he hands me and I put it in the bath to dry. "I thought he might be here. I got angry. Then I felt like a jerk because I wanted to punch him..." I try to cut him off, it's hard seeing him like this, hurting. "You're grieving Jordan, it's going to take time." I pour him a glass of water and instruct him to drink it. As I thought he had hold of it, it fell to the floor and smashed, spilling water. I hear him curse. "It's going to be okay." I watch as he runs his fingers through his hair and then clenches his fist. "Let it out, Jordan." I kneel down on the floor, carefully avoiding the shattered glass pieces, and I look at him. There's tears falling down his beautiful face. I reach for some tissues and gently dry his cheeks. "You got any more of that bottle?" He manages to ask. "No, I think you should sleep this off. Let's get you to bed, you can stay there for tonight." He mumbles incoherently. Although I struggle due to him being much taller and bulkier than I am, I guide him towards my room. I sit him down and call for him to lift his legs up. I pull off his trainers and lift the covers over him. By the time I'm placing his footwear by the wall and turn back towards the bed, he's flat out asleep.
Barrett catches me in the bathroom, picking up the glass pieces with a brush and shovel. "Are you sure there's nothing we can do to help?" She tells me to stand up and she pulls me in for a hug. I find myself crying. "I'm just glad that I'm here for him. I'll keep an eye on him throughout the night." The other ladies are now standing at the bathroom door, I presuming they're curious about what is happening. It seems Barrett has already filled them in. "We should maybe get going but lets us help you with anything first." Kelly offers. "I'll be alright, he's asleep and I'll just do the same. Thank you, all of you. It's been great tonight."
They all tidy up the place and get ready to go home. Each giving me a hug before she leaves in their taxis. Once I close the front door, I stand there leaning against it as I gather my thoughts. Apart from hearing the occasional heavy breathing, it's silent.
Does it ever get easier, this grieving because why is it still so hard and difficult to process? I go to curl up on the sofa and finish my glass of wine.

I understand the anger that Jordan has for Jon passing away and leaving us, but is it just a passing phase as I know deep down, like me, Jordan isn't angry as such. It's the pain. The emptiness. I don't think anyone else truly gets it, possibly Harley as he was his partner that he lived with but Jordan was his brother, and I've known him for many years. He was like my brother who I looked up to. I will forever be thankful for having him in my life and want to do him proud.