Loving The Knight's

My Honey

The gentle snoring coming from Jordan who's fast asleep next to me with his arm loosely draped over me is soothing. I'd never thought I'd describe snoring as soothing but it's different when it's the man that you love because you don't feel alone and you're safe, especially when they have their arms around you. Although it's still dark, I can just make out Jordan's features on his face. His luscious long dark eye lashes. His full pouty lips that's open the slightest. He looks so peaceful.

I gently place my hand on his chest where his heart is. "Are you okay, sweetheart?" Jordan asks me, his voice all sleepily and raspy. "Yes, I don't think it's sunk in yet that we're here like this." - "I'm here, baby, it's took us too long to get here but we're here." I shed a tear as the realisation finally sinks in. "In Jon's letter that he wrote to me. He said something about how I should never be afraid of letting my true feelings be known but I didn't understand exactly what he meant." He gazes into my eyes. "He said that to me too. but he'd told me it repeatedly over the years and that I should stop being so pig-headed. Every time I would tell him to do one but he shrugged it off, and said one day it'll hit me that it would drive me crazy." Oh my gosh, that's when the lightbulb moment comes... "he knew we had feelings for each other? How come he never told me anything like that though, I wish I had known, instead I wouldn't have had to hide my feelings especially when I heard the two of you talking about your conquests and I had to act like it didn't affect me even though it did."

He cradles my head in his hands, gently, and leans in to kiss me. "I'm sorry. For everything. You deserve better than me, Filly. You kept it hidden well about how you felt. I'm not proud of those conquests. I should have listened to Jon. He must have hated me at times, you too." His thumb softly wipes my tear away and he places a kiss on my cheek. "I could never hate you, Jordan. Nor could your brother. You're a good looking guy who had needs. You didn't know about my feelings. One thing that I have learned about you is that you are a good man. Please don't compare yourself to Jonathan. The way you've been there for me after his passing has been so wonderful and sweet. I'll forever be thankful. I'd be lost without you." We lay still with just the sound of our breathing as we gaze into each other's eyes. He pulls me as close to himself as possible with his arms wrapped around my waist.
"I'd be lost without you too. From the first moment I met you, I liked you but you were with David. That prick." Looking at the expression on his face which shows a streak of anger. I didn't realise that he disliked him so much. He must notice the sadness in my eyes as he relaxes his expression. "I didn't want to talk about him to you because I would get angry and I didn't want to hurt you. Jon would keep me updated as I knew you talked to him about what David put you through." - "I thought you didn't care. Now I understand that you did and I'm sorry that he made you angry. He really messed me about and hurt me. I tried to be such a good girlfriend to him but whatever I did was never good enough." - "Felicity. You were too good for him. He didn't deserve you." I smile at hearing him tell me something that I really needed to hear. He tilts my chin so that I'm facing him and I feel his finger stroking my bottom lip, softly. "So many times I wanted to kiss these beautiful lips. And to hold you like this and show you how much you mean to me."

His kiss starts off slowly, and softly but turns more passionate as I open my mouth to let him in. We only part to get some air.
"We should get some sleep honey, and as much as I want to lay here talking to you, I'm knackered after doing the show tonight. I promise you to do the right thing by taking you on a date before we get carried away. Which is bloody hard work when you're so beautiful and I've longed to touch you and to be inside you." We kiss before I change onto my side and he spoons me. It feels like we're meant to be with the way we fit together like this. I'm cradled within his arms and legs behind mine. His chin lightly rested on the top of my head. "I'll wait forever if it means we get to be together, properly, J. I feel it in my heart and soul that Jon will be happy for us." Just as I'm dozing off, I hear Jordan say, "I love you, Felicity. Ever since I first laid eyes on you and I always will love you, my honey. Sweet dreams, my baby girl."

This man is going to be the death of me, I'm sure of it. I really wish he wouldn't put himself down or compare himself to Jon. Although I loved Jon and always will, the love I have for Jordan has been so deeply and not in a brotherly way. They are completely different in their own ways. I don't know what is in store for us but I will do whatever it takes to show him my love and show him how wonderful he is, and to always be by his side. Maybe Jon knew that we would eventually find our way to one another hence why he wrote what he did in those letters we were given after his passing and I can't be mad at him for not telling me Jordan's feelings towards me because it wasn't his place. I think we had to find our way to each other, our own way in our own time. Knowing that I'm Jordan's, and he's mine, now, I feel it is truly the most heartwarming and wonderful gift Jon ever gave me. If only I could tell him how thankful I am but I am.