Loving The Knight's

Chapter Three

I stand back and watch the whole family huddle together around the bed as they pray, which is being lead by Allan, their father. Their mother, Marlene is stood a few feet away in between some of the siblings. I try not to look at Jon too much as I don't want to remember him this way. He looks so peaceful. Jordan's words 'What will I do now Jon, how do I live without you here?' Echo round in my head. I've known him since he came into the animal shelter that I worked in and we bonded over our love of animals. I think it was over some chickens. They were so cute.

Oh how different our lives were back then, he was with his ex' Kyle I think his name was and I was with my ex, David. He introduced me to Jordan but it took a while for us two bond as he was busy working on his solo career.
Sharon comes to give me a hug, I feel guilty like it should be me giving her a hug. "Thank you for being here Filly. He thought so much of you." My eyes well up. Somehow I manage to hold myself together. I need to be strong for this family in their time of need. "If there's anything you need me to do or help with, please let me know." I offer Sharon. "Oh my sweet girl, just by being here, and especially for my baby brother, that's more than enough." She reassures me. The other siblings take it in turns to hug me. I stay standing back so that Jordan has all the time he needs. I quickly wipe the tears with the back of my hand before Jordan sees me. He turns round to face me. I can see how heartbroken he is. His eyes are red. Skin looking pale.

I take the few steps so that I'm standing right in front of him. We make eye contact, I have to look up though because he's much taller than I am. Automatically, we envelope one another. Then we each say goodbye to Jon. We both hold his hand, shakily but gently. The nurses are now ready to take him away. "We have to go now Jordan, I'm here with you. Where do you want to go from here?" I ask him. "Home. Will you come with me?" I motion by nodding my head and I link my arm through his.
It's two days later, I ended up staying over. Thankfully Sophie dropped off some of my belongings for me to have while I'm here at Jordan's. I can't bear to leave him alone. Everyone else in the family have partners and families but he's on his own. Plus it makes me feel closer to Jon by being here with Jordan. He's curled up in bed, in the dark. He hasn't eaten anything since I'm not sure. So I put a selection of fruits, cheese and crackers on a little tray, I carry this to his bedroom. Just as I thought he was sleeping, I hear him mumbling. I climb onto the bed so I'm sitting next to where he's laid and I gently push the strand of hair away from his eyes. He reaches out for my hand and holds it tightly. I decide to lie down facing him so he doesn't feel lonely. "I'm here J. For you." His dark brown eyes gaze into my own. We lay there in silence, each lost in our thoughts and sadness. How can someone who is broken still look so beautiful with his big dark brown eyes.

I tell him there's a tray of food for him to have whenever he feels ready to eat something. All I can hear is the sound of breathing.
" I should have been a better brother to him." I blink, didn't even think he said anything at first until he repeats himself. "Oh Jordan, he loved you exactly as you are. Please don't think of yourself like that. He thought the world of you and was so, so proud to call you his baby brother." He begins to cry, I snuggle in closer letting him wrap his arms around me.
I'm in the bathroom, having a quick shower while Jordan is laid up in the bed. I try to think about when he last had a shower but it's been a few days, I need to encourage him to shower. It might even help ease the pain temporarily, as a distraction. Once I'm out of the shower and the bathroom, I go to Jordan, "that shower is really good, maybe you could have one too?" He murmurs. I try to reach out for his hand to try to encourage him but he just gazes at me. "Don't worry, I'm not saying you smell J but after having mine, I found it to help, maybe it can help you too." I'm not going to force him to do anything he doesn't want to do though.

"I'm so tired. I just want to sleep and not wake up." I frown at hearing his honesty. He hasn't slept in days. Hardly eaten anything. Nor showered. I wish I knew what to do or say.
I hear Jordan's phone ringing, it's probably his family. He makes no attempt to get up to answer to it, I ask if he wants me to instead. He stares at me and points to me to the phone with his eyes. Pressing the green, it's one of his siblings. They're phoning to check up on him. They reassure me to keep doing what I'm doing, Jordan will respond when he's ready. We talk for a few minutes before they end the call.
I realise that the rest of the New Kids won't know about Jon and grabbing my phone, I go to sit on the balcony where I can speak without disturbing Jordan but keep close for if he needs me. "Hi Donnie. It's Filly. Jordan's in bed. No. I have some news to share with you but I'm not sure how to." I take a deep breath. "It's Jonathan. He's, he's..." I break down in tears. Donnie tries to encourage me to carry on but to take my time. "Jonathan, he's, he had a serious accident. He's no longer with us anymore." Donnie goes quiet. All I can hear is his heavy breathing and some cursing. "I'm so sorry Filly. Is there anything I or the guys can do to help?" He offers. "I don't know right now. I'm just staying with J, being here for him. I'll keep you updated with regards to the funeral, unless you'd rather speak to the family." We exchange a few words before I find myself getting upset again. I glance in the room to check on Jordan, he's still laid in the bed.