Blue | Rafe Cameron

xiii

The rest of the meal continued with a hew of tension like a storm cloud hovering in the sky. As we ate our mains and then moved on to the dessert, the conversation was trivial at best, the initial controversy seemingly put at rest amongst Rafe and Ward.

Every time I glanced at Rafe, the intense energy between us crackled and sparked like a live wire, it was as if he was baiting me to acknowledge him, to fall into his deep, mesmerising gaze and be consumed by the emotions that always surged when we made eye contact.

But I tried hard to resist the urge, forcing myself to look away whenever our eyes inevitably met.

This seemed to irk him though as if no matter how much had occurred between us, like a predator waiting for its prey, he needed me as much as I did him. I was drawn to Rafe in ways that I couldn't explain, like a moth to a flame, or a bee to honey, I couldn't seem to stay away.

But every time I looked at him, my mind would race with conflicting memories.

I would remember the night that I took care of him in his room, or the feeling of his body against mine of his bike, or the smile he'd give that would make every worry in my mind disappear. But then that memory would shift, and suddenly he's glaring at me, spewing hateful words honed to cut me deep, his face hardened like granite at the mere mention of my friends.

I was drowning in the guilt of living two lives- one with Rafe and one with the Pogues- and the realisation that there would be no world where the two could coexist made it harder to breathe. The weight of my secrets was starting to crush me and looking at Rafe was beginning to hurt more than it felt good.

As I sat there, my mind was racing with so many endless scenarios, each one ending in heartbreak. But amidst all the chaos, one thought stood out: JJ.

JJ, who had been my best friend since childhood. The one person who always knew how to make me laugh, who was my saving grace during some of the darkest moments of my life and a reminder of joy and fun in times when I feared I'd never feel it again.

JJ, who nearly kissed me today.

The memory repeatedly appeared no matter how much I tried to shake it from my mind and so many questions plagued me. Did I want him to kiss me? Would I have kissed him back? What would have happened to our friendship if we had kissed today?

Yet somehow, through all of that, there was another constant: Rafe. He was the one potent, consuming, reminder that I couldn't entertain anything more than friendship with JJ, not when we shared something so real.

Something that I can't ignore, no matter how much I try to.

I let out a deep sigh, rubbing my face in an attempt to shake off my thoughts. I focused on my fudge brownie, trying to savour the taste despite the turmoil in my mind. I avoided Rafe's gaze and everyone else's, counting down the minutes until this dinner was over.

"It was unfortunate having to let him go, but I can't have employees that I don't trust-"

My blood runs cold and I snap my head to the left, looking with wide eyes at Ward and Rose as they were deep in conversation.

"You're talking about John B," I interrupt, not letting their silence or surprise intimidate me, not as the ire in my veins sparks back to life in a reminder of what happened to John B today. "How you fired him today."

"I know he was your friend Rory, and I was sorry to see him go," Ward says with a deep frown, and I can see that he genuinely means it. Rose, however, looks less than pleased, as if her husband had been too merciful on John B as if a 17-year-old boy deserved worse.

I steeled my gaze against the judgement in her look, but dread fills me as I notice Sarah's silent frown and I can help but recall Kiara's words as I glance at her.