Blue | Rafe Cameron

xix

'I'm sorry for not calling you, I'm safe, I promise. A lot is happening right now, I can't explain it to you, but I will soon. I love you and I miss you, more than you know.'

I let out a shaky, unlevelled breath, running my tongue along my teeth in a mixture of exasperation and frustration. I force down the tears burning my eyes, the lump lodged in my throat, all the emotions weighing me down like the feeling of a tidal wave.

"Rory? Are you okay?" JJ asks quietly and I can hear the concern lacing his tone. My eyes flutter, squinting against the sun to look into his eyes, which were firmly on me, his face weary as he took in the phone clutched tightly in my hands.

"Let's just say my mom is not winning any Mother of the Year awards," I snort, rolling my eyes and trying to force some joviality into my tone. I fall back onto the edge of HMS Pogue, seating myself rigidly off the edge, I tilt my head up, anchoring myself down to the feel of the wind blowing over my hair and the sunbeams warming over my skin.

"She called you?" JJ questions and I see him in my peripheral, his movements easy, walking over to me, stopping, and sitting down beside me his. My body shivers at the feeling of his thigh brushing against mine and I avoid his gaze, looking out at the horizons where the sky meets the sea, a seemingly endless blend of blue.

Rafe's eyes appear in my mind at the sight.

I clear my throat, shaking my head clear of any thoughts about him and instead, I glance sideways at JJ "Apparently, I only warrant a text message, one that gave zero answers and only produced more questions. Though she said she loves and misses me, I guess that's something."

"Come on, Rory," JJ sighs, nudging me with his elbow and I smile at the soft touch "I know she's not the most maternal and it's fucked up how she just left but she loves you, she would never abandon you. I know it might not seem like much, but it's more than most people get."

I swallow down the ache in my throat at his words and my heart clenches as I glance at him, seeing the shining sadness in his eyes, and I know that his mind is shifting in memory of the mother he doesn't have, the love he never had, the abusive dead-beat father he has instead.

I lick my lips, turning so that my right leg falls onto the other side of the boat, straddling it, and my eyes and body are directly facing JJ. His gaze is sarcastic and amused, a faux wall of joviality that he often uses to mask his true feelings, to keep himself from looking vulnerable or weak.

"I think that we don't need any shitty or non-existent parents," I say softly, trying to keep my voice even and I cut through the tension with an easy smile, my hand instinctively lifting forward and running teasingly through the messy sprawl of his hair. He sighs at the touch, his body sagging slightly, and something breaks in me at the comfort he melts into.

"We've got each other, right?" I whisper and I can't help the emotion shaking my voice, the vulnerable, hopeful tone that clogs me as my hand stops against JJ's cheek, clasping his jaw.

"Always, Rory," JJ replies roughly and I'm struck by the gravel in his voice, more emotion than I'd ever heard him display so openly in his life and I can't help but smile "Pogues for life."

"You know, you look beautiful when you smile, it's like... sunshine" His voice echoes out, disbelief and admiration shining on his face and it travels over me like a kiss, every nerve sparking. I sigh, my hand pulling back slowly, trembling, and unsure, and I can't help but stare, stare straight at the desire in his eyes.

"Rory," JJ sighs, his jaw tightening and I exhale at the hand he shoots out, wrapping around my wrist, pulling that same trembling hand back to his face, pressing it there, keeping me anchored and captive in him "You have to stop looking at me like that, you don't know what it does to me."