Blue | Rafe Cameron

xxxvii

"It was all Ward."

Rafe's body froze under me, hard and rigid as stone, so different, so unlike the softness, the comfort I had felt before when he was holding me- like one sentence had sucked all that away into oblivion.

"W-what?" He inhaled, and my body jolted forward, unsteady, shaken, as if I were on a rocking boat and couldn't find purchase, couldn't find my balance. "Aurora, you're not making any sense, it was just a nightmare-"

"It was Ward," I whisper, again and again, staring down at my trembling hands, barely feeling Rafe's touch on me, or his words trying to anchor me down, "Oh God, it was him."

"Aurora, please- please, just calm down," Rafe pleaded from beside me, and I could hear the panic in his voice, the concern and terror laced through every word as he ran his hand down my back, trying to get me to breathe, "Aurora, look at me-"

"I remember," I choke, my eyes filling and fogging with tears and then leaking endlessly down my cheeks, those memories playing again and again in my head, through my eyes. The cars, the lights, the phone call, God- his voice, I remembered it all.

I was choking on my cries now, sobbing into the palms of my hands as reality seeped in, just as cold and unrelenting as the water that night. It was Ward, Ward Cameron- he killed Big John, he tried to kill my Dad, tried to kill me.

I felt a weight, the size of a mountain, of a planet, of a whole universe, lift from my chest- for a whole year I hadn't been able to recall that night, hadn't been able to look past the mental block that had smothered the details- until right now.

Rafe runs his hand up the middle of my spine, his fingers moving to fold into my hair, his touch soft, delicate, coaxing and any other moment I would have melted into it, would have let it consume me, but right now? It made me nauseous.

"N-no, no-" I whimper, and Rafe's body recoils when I curl into myself, pushing his hands away from me as I stumble onto my weak legs. "It was him, I can't- God, I can't-"

"Aurora," His voice is hoarse, scared, and when he stands, reaching for me, I again flinch back from his touch. I meet his eyes, meet those blue tides of hurt and pain, see them crashing and razing as he stares at me, stares at the way I won't let him touch me. "I don't understand."

"It doesn't make any sense," I rub at my face, the tears fogging my gaze, the overhead lights too bright, too invasive, and I feel them burning through my eyes, through my skin, as I replay it all in my head. "Why would he do that? Why would he take me in? Why take in John B, why do any of it?"

"John B? What the hell does he have to do with this?" Rafe breathes, frustration and helplessness clawing at him, but I can't meet his eyes, can't breathe through the way my chest is caving in on itself. "Why are you freaking out about my dad, I don't understand- w-what did he do?"

His dad- Rafe's dad.

"Your dad-" I whisper, my voice breaking and in the silence of the room, all I can hear is our mixed strangled breaths and the machines beeping. My eyes lift, and I hate the accusation in them, hate how the words taste on my tongue, how they feel in my heart. "Did you know?"

"What? Know what?" Rafe shakes his head, and I want to believe him. I want to believe the confusion and concern and pain on his face, I want to believe the way his hand shakes as it reaches for me, I want to believe. "Aurora, Princess, please, I don't understand, help me understand-"

I wipe a messy hand over my cheeks, clearing the endless hot tears, fixing my gaze upon him, and forcing down the hurt and emotion, to something stronger, firmer, a steadier version of myself.