Blue | Rafe Cameron

xxxix

Rafe's POV

"Aurora," Saying her name causes me pain, physical and spiritual, the idea of her the perfect torture, especially now she was gone, "Please call me back, or text me, just- just let me hear your voice."

"That's your tenth voicemail, Rafe," Sarah sighs from behind me, but her voice quivers, still shaken by last night's events, "She'll call you back when she's ready."

"I can't just wait around doing fucking nothing!" I hiss, turning from her concerned gaze and the anger and desperation and helplessness inside me is too much- I roar as I slam my knuckle into the cupboard beside me, the wood cracking and my knuckle exploding in my pain.

"Rafe!" Sarah gasps, stepping forward but when I grit my teeth and slam my knuckle against the wood again and again, harder, and harder, until the glasses inside rattle and my skin splits open, she doesn't come any closer. "Rafe, stop-"

"I can't just do nothing," My eyes pinch shut, my cut-up, bloody fist coming to a stop, and I lurch forward against the counter for support, "I can't just let her go."

My voice trembles, my throat bobbing with the exertion of pretending I'm alright, pretending like I don't want to break something, or punch someone- pretending I don't want to fucking cry.

"Then don't."

The silence drags on as I compose myself, my harsh breaths coming out slower and slower as I force the air into my lungs and try to push the memory of her out of my mind. I curl my hands into fists, ignoring the stinging hurt as I turn back to my sister.

"Don't let her go, Rafe," Sarah repeats, and I watch as she inches closer, her face weary and splotchy, red from the tears and emotions and terror she'd experienced these last few hours, "Go to her, tell her you love her, tell her you're on her side-"

"You know I can't," I shake my head, my lips pursing at her scrutinising gaze, the kind that could see right through me, through any bullshit I try and use as cover, "I can't Sarah, this isn't some Kooks versus Pogues crap, this is about Dad-"

"Dad killed a man," Sarah snaps, and my throat closes as tears brim her eyes, angry and devastated, I stay silent as she grits her teeth, wiping them from her cheeks brutally, "Dad killed Big John, he tried to kill John B, he put Daniel in a coma and ruined Rory's life-"

"We don't know that-" I protest, but the words are weak, the denial is weak, and I've never felt more like a little boy, never felt so defeated and ruined as I did right now. "He's our Dad-"

"And you love her, you love her like you've never loved anyone, Rafe," Her lip trembles, and it's like this house is closing in on us, like these walls are closing in- our personal prison. "And right now, she needs you, are you really going to pick Dad over her?"

I stared at her, unblinking, unmoving, silent- because I didn't know what to say.

"I don't-"

"Sarah."

His voice makes something terrified and small in me flinch, and Sarah does too, except her body jolts, physically jolts at the sound of our father's voice and the way her eyes turn to him, the look in them, it's unlike anything I've ever seen.

She was scared of him- and she was disgusted by him.

I don't turn to look at him, can't turn to look at him, because then I really won't be able to think straight.

"Sarah, go to your room," Ward demands, and the tension in the room is thick, painfully thick, "I need to talk to Rafe, and we need to leave soon."

"I'm not going anywhere," Sarah breathes, and I can feel her funnelling into herself to gather her strength, to confront a man she idolised and go against his words, "And I'm not going anywhere with you."