5th April, 2023
Wednesday, 9:54 PM
Just You
Hi again, April.
Let me use you as my diary for the meantime, ha? Until I can find my notebook again.
Earlier, I was trying to write in a scratch paper like how I did when I was still 14 to lessen the heaviness in my chest or release the thought in my head that I can't share with others.
Guess what?
It feels like the old days, where everything seems so fresh and natural. I feel like I went back to the place where pain and suffering was just a wind that goes away after a snap.
I remembered how I smiled even under heat. I always greet people like how my parents taught me. But now? All I can do was dodge every eyes that I see around.
Takot, kaba, at higit sa lahat ay panginginig dala ng mga iniisip kong baka hinuhusgahan nila ako at ang naging nakaraan ko. Kahit sa paraan ng pananamit ko ngayon na noon ay hindi ko naman pinoproblema, hindi na ako mapakali. Tumatatak sa isip ko na... pinagtatawanan kaya nila ako?
It was so hard, until today. I feel like I'm on the verge of giving up... I didn't know that love could make your confidence less. You'll start to think of what's wrong in yourself even though I know I did my best in everything.
I cared for him, I supported him throughout his journey. I loved him like an oxygen that once it went out, I'm lost.
What if I listened before this all happened? Can I still make this life better alone?
Can I, right?
For myself...
