Perfect by Design

26: Kiara James

Kiara

TW: Drugs
"Are you sure you don't want to come to Miami with us? This trip to New York seems to have materialized out of thin air."

"Not really, Mom. We were supposed to go a few weeks ago, and like you said, Sydney was expecting it. I'm just making it up to her."

"Okay, so I'll tell your dad I'm going to come with you, and he can go to Miami."

"No! I mean, you should go with Dad. Gray is expecting you guys."

My mom eyes me curiously. She's itching to ask questions; I know it. I really wish she'd just leave it all alone.

"Kiara, what's going on?"

"I heard you and Dad fighting, and I know it's because of me. He came back because I made you ask him to. Now you guys have to smooth that situation over with Grayson. I get it. So, I'm going to go spend some time with Leah and Trev. There's nothing more to it."

"Are you sure?"

"I'm sure, Mom."

She pulls me into a hug, running her fingers through her hair.

"You are not at fault for me and Daddy having a disagreement. We are fine. I don't want you worrying about that. We need to work on our communication, which has nothing to do with you."

"I don't know what I would do without you, Mom. I may not say it enough, but even when things get scary, just having you is enough to make me feel like everything will be alright."

"What do you mean when things get scary?"

Crap. Crap. Crap.

"Oh, you know... just like when daddy was splitting time in Miami or when I decided to quit dance. Those were big changes, and we only got through them because of you."

"You're so sweet, honey, but I know I can do better—Daddy and I both. You know, maybe Leah can show you around NYU while you're there."

"You mean there are other colleges that aren't Yale?" I feign surprise, and my mom chuckles.

"Just because Yale means something to a lot of people doesn't mean that it has to mean something to you, Ki."

"But it would be cool to be the parents of Yale grad, right?"

"Sure," my mom shrugs. "But I find it pretty damn awesome being an NYU and LSU mom. I'll be proud regardless."

"Yeah," my eyes focus on the ground.

"I mean it, Ki. And Dad is already so proud of you."

For the first time, I realize that I've never wondered if they're proud of me. They say it all the time. They show it all the time. Am I proud of myself? Maybe going to Yale is that final notch that proves every step toward perfection was worth it.

"I have to finish packing, but maybe I will ask Leah about NYU."

My mom smiles softly at me as she rests the back of her hand against my cheek. I feel safe here.