Perfect by Design

22: Kiara James

Kiara

TW: mention of drug use
"Ki, did you hear me?"

"Sorry, Luca. What'd you say?"

"Mom and dad are doing an impromptu date night, so we're on our own for dinner."

My head is in the clouds in more ways than one. I think back to last night with Jayden.

I reach out, grabbing the bong in Jayden's free hand. His hold on the object doesn't loosen. His eyes narrow on me, and I can't fully read him. I'm not sure if I'm supposed to. I tug, pulling the bong closer to my lips, and he doesn't stop me. My eyes lock on Jayden—there's a glimmer in his own. He flicks the lighter, and the flame almost seems symbolic.

"Not so fast, Angel." He pulls back just slightly.

Slowly, I release my hold, and he sets the bong on the table.  Was I really going to smoke weed just now? Am I losing my mind?

"Not sure how I feel about the fact that my future doctor gets high in his spare time." I attempt to break his hold on me, looking anywhere but at him.

"Kiara, I bet your current doctor gets high in their spare time." He smiles at me, then disappears back into the kitchen. When he returns, he has two glasses of water and motions for me to sit. I accept the glass, bringing it to my lips for a slow, cautious sip.

Right now, I am in my best friend's pool house, almost smoking weed for the first time with her 22 year old brother. When my mom asked me what I'd be up to today, I couldn't have drawn this up even in my wildest dreams.

Jayden turns on The Office, and Michael Scott's voice instantly calms me. This is my comfort show; is it his too?

"Insomnia still getting the best of you?"

"Wh—what?"

"I used to share a wall with Malia, remember? I'd only ever hear The Office when you were over and only well after everybody should have been asleep." He looks at me, and I curl myself into a ball. I don't like being seen.

"Yeah, I have a little trouble sleeping from time to time. Doesn't everyone?"

"Why?" He fiddles with the remote, eventually turning the subtitles on. I can't watch TV without subtitles. What is happening right now?

"Why does everyone have trouble? Well, I'm not sure I can answer that, doc."

"Kiara." His face is serious, his tone sad.

"Life just moves so fast, you know? Sometimes I wish I had more time. So, I don't sleep. When I don't sleep, I have more time."

"Life only moves fast when it's passing you by, Dais."

"They teach you that on your first day of med school, doc?"

"Maybe," he smirks at me.

Michael Scott's voice fills the air around us. I glance at Jayden, but he's focused on the TV. My entire body feels lighter. My fears feel further away. My thoughts feel safe. My mouth feels...dry? Why is my mouth so dry?

I quickly grab the glass of water, taking it down in record time. What the hell? A warm chuckle erupts from Jayden's chest. His attention is now back on me as he slides me his glass of water.

"Looks like you could use a little bit of the good stuff."

My eyes grow wide.

"Water, Angel. I'm talking about water." I take slow, steady sips from his glass. Michael Scott fades into the background. Jayden's breathing invades my brain. I hear every inhale and feel every exhale.