Perfect by Design

8: Aaliyah James

Olivia

The blanket feels suffocating as I toss and turn, trying and failing to get even a minute of sleep. I can't stop thinking about my Leah girl and what's running through her head right now.

I throw the blanket off frustratedly and run my fingers through my hair. I turn to Spencer, who's asleep beside me. How can he just turn it on and off like that?

Me, I'm a wreck. I saw the way she looked at me before disappearing off to her room. Those eyes of hers, they're her mother's. When she looked at me, with those eyes... I'd seen that look before.

Kennedy is quite possibly the worst person I've ever met in my life, but it doesn't change the fact that, at one point, she felt just as betrayed by me as I did by her. At one point, I hurt her. And now—now I've broken and betrayed her daughter—my Leah.

I stare at my husband once more. He promised me he'll fix this. I'm sure he believes he can. The problem is, we can't ever go back.

Carefully, I bunch the blanket up next to Spencer as I crawl out of bed. Turning to face him, I think about how he came into my life and fixed every piece of me other people had broken.

And our girl, my Leah, taught me a love I didn't even know was possible. I didn't have to love her. I didn't even want to love her in the beginning. Yet she came into my world and changed my entire life.

I barely take two steps before my husband's voice glues my feet to the ground.

"Back in bed, Mrs. James."

"I'm just going to the bathroom." I quickly lie.

"To Aaliyah's bathroom?" He hasn't even opened his eyes; just carrying on like this conversation in the dark while he's half asleep is completely normal.

"Spencer," it's practically a sigh. How does he do this?

"You're going to drive yourself crazy, baby. Nothing has changed since you went in there 30 minutes ago. She's sleeping. We'll talk to her more later."

Except she's not sleeping. I know this because I know her. And I'm not saying I know her better than her dad because he's truly the best dad. I just know her differently than he does.

I turn away from Spencer, releasing a strangled breath. I know he's trying to help, but he doesn't get it. He can't fix this. I have to be the one to fix this.

She's not sleeping. She's in there, letting her thoughts consume her. It overwhelms her. When it becomes too much, and she wants to shut it all off, that's what scares me.

I take a few more steps toward the door, and before I know it, my husband's arm is wrapped around my waist, pulling me back until I collide with his rock hard chest. When did he ever get out of bed?

"I'm not above throwing you over my shoulder and tucking you back into bed myself. What's it going to be, little tiger?"

I turn to face him, still in his hold. He drops his forehead to rest on mine, and the dam break.

His arms tighten around me as I sob. "I know, baby. She has to work through this, and we have to give her the space to do that."