The Weight Rumours Hold

Chapter 19: The fight left in me

My energy was slowly fading, minute by minute and second by second. Sometimes my health becomes a big obstacle in my life, more than I realise and more than anyone could care. I took a few more steps up the stairs and began to feel a slight dizziness in my head. A sharp pain flew through me. Almost as if being stabbed by a dagger. I grabbed the rail firmly and continued my way up

Fight it. Said my inner voice. I'm not gonna let myself sob over my weaknesses. I've had enough of this. I dragged myself up and ran my fingers through my hair. A slight smirk formed on my face in accomplishment. I did it. 100 steps up. It may seem easy for some.  But for my fragile body, everything became uneasy, and worse as days continued.

I used to be so full of life like the bright girl that I was. But this world shaped me into a woman. A mix of fearful and fearless, fragile and unbreakable.

Last night I had finally gotten the courage to try and become the sparkly person I once was. I lifted the dumbbell in one hand and then the other. I felt the familiar rubber coating and cold metal as the weight sat in my hand, lifting it up and lowering it slowly as much times as I could bear.

I then wrapped some fabric around my hand and pulled out the small punching bag I had borrowed from Imran and ended up keeping because he was too busy to use it. My hands felt heavy at first but lightened after the first few punches. Adrenaline began to build and I wiped my forehead feeling the heat. Before I knew it I was taking out all my anger and pain, breathless and sweating. I felt the energy and rage coursing through my veins. Minutes passed and suddenly I felt a sharp split pain on my hands. I looked down to see something red leaking through the black fabric.

I winced then smiled and tilted my head back with a sigh. I feel good. This was the happy me. The strong me and pain was a part of me

An hour later I washed up and cleaned my wounds on my hand to hide them, (or I'd have to answer a hundred and one questions from mum and dad) I picked up my phone and called Safiya.

"AND THEN WHAT HAPPEN?" She burst out excitedly.

"Well I don't know, he gave me the drink" I replied softly, recalling the moment from last time

"WAIT. Start from the beginning, all details included!" She squealed

"Okay so, I was at my usual place by the lake after college because I wasn't feeling too good that day. It suddenly went really cold and dark, you know how London weather is. And then this familiar looking black motorbike came towards me"

"AND THEN?" She urged on

"I was terrified. You know how I am. So anyway this guy came off the bike and he was big, tall, scary looking"

"WHAT DID HE LOOK LIKE?" Safiya screamed. I could almost see her excitement plus half worried facial expression.

"That's the thing. I didn't see his face. He was wearing his helmet. I could still hear his voice though. It's like ringing in my ears"

"Hmm it must have been scary. You've got a history with motorbikes"

"It sure was, but he actually tried his best not to terrify me Safiya"

"What do you mean?"

"I told him not to come close so he put his hands up in the air. He still could be a creep for all I know, can't be trusting random people. But he was kind. I didn't know whether I should take the drink so he slowly came forward and pushed it in my hands. Like without any contact"

"Aww see not everyone is bad. Although I understand you" She replied softly

"Right, then he gave me a salute and off he was gone, oh another thing I noticed is he talked alot. It was kind of.... comforting"

"What a perfect match, just like you and me huh!"

We both giggled over the phone but still keeping a low volume

"Safiya I.. I think I've fallen in love"

"WHAT. Omg Ive got to plan the wedding yet"

"Nooo. I mean in love with his motorbike. I WISH you had seen it. It was MAJESTIC!"

"Ohh"

We continued giggling on the phone until I heard a small noise outside my door and quickly turned it off before I got caught by dad

He suddenly burst in my room.

"It's late why are you still awake! Go to bed now. You never wake up on time"

"Jee" =yes

I jumped into bed and closed my eyes. But my overthinking definitely wasn't going to allow me to sleep so quickly.

I took deep breaths, timing each one and tried to think of a beautiful snowfall. A white housetop covered in a delicate layer of fluffy pure snow, the precious sprinkling flakes falling into my palm, and the faint sound of childrens laughter playing with the snow. I look closely at the snowflake seeing each corner as it sparkles before my eyes and suddenly disappears...just like the knight in shining armour.

The sweet stranger, a black motorbike. My little secret. I tossed over trying to get the sudden thought to toss away too. Why do I keep thinking about it. The motorbike at least, it felt so familiar almost like a connection to me somehow. It's comforting just to look at which is strange. Motorbikes are dangerous.
I picture it again.

His black motorbike, graceful and classy. A mature black colour, some shiny, some matte so perfectly built, each corner and surface. It must be so nice for him to have an escape and safe place, something so special I assume. A rush ride.