III.
Kite Arceo.
I met him at the point in my life where nothing is going right. Highschool non. I was a teenager. Quite immature but at the same time, ang daming changes na nangyayari sa akin. Hindi lang sa katawan ko kung hindi pati na rin sa buhay ko.
Mom and dad got separated. Dad got a new girlfriend. That girlfriend turns out to be evil at lagi akong sinasaktan. Dad turns a blind eye on that. Meanwhile, sa school, wala akong kaibigan. I get bullied. A lot. Hindi ko makuhang ipagtanggol ang sarili ko.
Felt like I'm a damsel in distress in a teleserye.
Ang daming dark thoughts na sumasagi sa isip ko kung bakit nangyayari sa akin ang mga bagay na 'yon.
Nung panahon na yun, pakiramdam ko parang kasalanan ko bakit naging ganun ang buhay ko. At some point in my life, naniwala akong hindi ako likeable kaya wala akong kaibigan. Naniwala akong may mali sa akin kaya sinasaktan ako ng girlfriend ni daddy and why he won't take my side.
Until I met Kite.
He's the first person who's kind enough to lend a helping hand. Siya rin ang unang tao na ginusto akong maging kaibigan.
Naalala ko nun, madalas akong pumunta sa isang coffee shop malapit sa school namin. He's working there part time, at madalas niya akong kumustahin.
Siya ang unang tao na nagtatanong kung anong ginawa ko, kumusta ang araw ko, masaya ba ako today. Nung mga panahon na walang interesado sa buhay ko, naging interesado siya sa akin.
Until I fell for him.
But he didn't love me back.
I thought it was just a simple high school crush. Pag nag college kami, pag nagkahiwalay na kami ng school, makaka move on na ako.
Pero possible palang mag tagal ang feelings ng isang tao 'no?
After highschool graduation, limang taon kong hindi nakita si Kite. Limang taon ko siyang hindi nakausap. I thought okay na ako, naka move on na ako. Pero nung nakita ko ulit si Kite nun, parang nabura lahat ng effort ko na mag move on. One smile from him, nahulog na naman ako.
Nakakainis.
I thought stuck na ako sa ganitong cycle. Akala ko, hindi na ako makakakawala sa feelings ko sa kanya.
Pero kung kailan tinatanggap ko na na habang buhay akong hulog kay Kite, atsaka naman may unexpected shift na nangyari sa buhay ko.
I remember, five years ago, it was summer. Kite invited me to go on a road trip with him. We went to Tagaytay and ate dinner there. He was sweet the whole time.
Habang nag kakape kami sa isang magandang café doon, he then confessed to me.
"Rika... I like you. Sorry it took me so long to realize this but, if you'll let me, I want to take care of you. Please be my girlfriend."
Hindi ako nakasagot agad nun. Those words are what I've been waiting for for six years. Akala ko hinding hindi ko na maririnig ang mga salitang yun mula sa kanya.
I remember being lost for words. I also remember getting teary-eyed.
And I remember the expression on Kite's face when I told him my answer.
"I'm sorry, Kite."
Three words are all it takes for him to realize na I don't love him anymore.
