V.
[PAST]
When I was ten years old, I got into an accident. I got hit by a car while I was crossing the street.
I was with my mom that time. Naalala ko nun, nag mamadali si mommy tumawid because she's running late sa meeting niya. Hinatid niya ako nun sa school namin. Her car is parked at the other side of the road kaya naman we needed to cross the street para makapunta sa school namin.
While crossing the street, she's on a phone call with a client. Preoccupied siya non that she didn't noticed na hindi niya na ako hawak hawak.
I remember trying to match her pace. Ang bilis niya mag lakad. She's already on the other side of the street habang ako humahabol pa sa kanya.
I already saw the car approaching but instead na tumigil, mas binilisan ko ang paglalakad thinking aabot ako kay mommy.
But I was wrong.
As I stretched my tiny hand to reach for my mom, nakarinig ako nang malakas na pag busina ng kotse. And the next thing I knew nakahiga na ako sa sahig. I heard my mom's scream. I want to ask her what's wrong pero ang bigat ng mga mata ko. Hindi ko maidilat. Hanggang sa nawalan na ako ng malay.
I woke up days after in the ER. Ang daming sinabi ng doctor about my condition na hindi ko na maalala dahil hindi ko pa naiintindihan ito nung mga panahon na 'yun. Basta alam ko lang, I almost died, but I survived.
That's not the case with my parents' relationship. After that incident happened, doon ko napansin na napapadalas na ang pag aaway nila. Dad kept on bringing up the accident to my mom. He kept on blaming her for almost losing me. On the other hand, lagi naman sinasabi ni mommy na dad is too busy making money na wala na itong time to even look out for me. We already have a lot of money, pero bakit hindi niya kami mabigyan ng oras?
Paulit ulit ang argument na ganun until they decided to just end the marriage.
After that, I've been too afraid to cross the street on my own again because I might get into another accident.
I might ruin another relationship.
~*~
[SENIOR HIGHSCHOOL]
Years have passed, I always avoided streets. Kahit pa mag lakad ako nang malayo para makatawid sa overpass, gagawin ko. Kung wala namang overpass, I made sure na may mga makakasabay ako sa pag tawid sa kalsada.
Today's a dilemma.
Ma l-late na ako sa klase. I only got ten minutes left before the bell rings at magsasara na ang gate sa school. I've never been late in my entire life at ayokong madungisan ang record ko.
Pero wala akong kasabay tumawid sa kalsada.
Ang tagal ko nang nakatayo rito. Ilang red light na ang nagdaan. Pero kada susubukan kong ihakbang ang mga paa ko para tumawid, pinangungunahan ako ng takot. Para akong naninigas sa kinatatayuan ko at pakiramdam ko, any minute tutumba ako at mababangga ng kotse. Kahit ilang beses kong isipin na hindi ako mababangga, naka stop naman sila. Hindi ako maaksidente, wala nang masisirang relasyon, pero tila pasaway ang katawan ko at ayaw makisama sa akin. Kahit gaano ko subukan.
Trauma sucks.
And now I'm standing in front of the pedestrian crossing, unable to move. There's only less than a minute left bago mag green light. Ilang segundo na naman ang iintayin ko bago makatawid ulit. At ma l-late na ako.
