DSAF Oneshots

2. Nessie Condoms

This is your fault Jeremy.

[Smut, AU where Dave & Jack are married, also trans Dave]

"Come on, Dave! We're gonna miss our flight!" Jack shouted as he tried to make his husband get in the car.

Dave, however, was not being cooperative at all.

"But Sportsy!!! I don't wanna go to England!"

Jack sighed. "For the last time, Dave. We're going to Scotland, not England."

"What's the fucking difference? They're literally the same, Old Sport."

"Just get in the goddamn car already!!"

TIMESKIP

Eventually, the coloured pair arrived at the airport and were sat in the plane, waiting for takeoff.

Dave was sat in the window seat, arms crossed, with a grumpy look on his face.

Jack looked over at him and sighed.

"Dave, don't get in a huff just because we're going somewhere that isn't Vegas. We'll have a great time over there!"

Dave looked back at his husband and said, "I'm not too fond of going to Scotland, but I'm more bothered about the fact its nearly a 17 hour flight!"

"There's lots of stuff to do on a long plane journey! When I was a teenager, me and my brother used to see who could keep sour candy in their mouth the longest! It kept us entertained for hours, because neither of us wanted to prove the other was better." Jack replied with a chuckle.

Smiling softly, Dave hummed and looked out the window. They were nearly about to take off!

(Yet another) TIMESKIP

Finally, after a long and boring flight, the plane landed in the capital of Scotland, Edinburgh.

The two men had rented a car so they could get around the city easily.

Dave frowned. "I'm disappointed."

Jack's smile quickly disappeared. "What? Why?" He asked.

"This place is way different from how you were describin' it, Sportsy."

"Well, the last time I came here was when I was 14, so it's obviously gonna be different!"

Dave shrugged and got in the rented car, Jack following after.

"Anyway, you won't be disappointed for long! Wait 'til you see our hotel!" Jack announced cheerfully.

WOAHH ANOTHER TIMESKIP / The Next Day

The oddly coloured couple stumbled out of the bar, both very drunk.

"Sssay, Old Sport.... what'd ya say you saw in that store before?...."

"Uhhhh.. the deep fried pizzas?" Jack slurred his words.

"Nooo, the other store!"

Jack thought for a bit before realising:

"OHH, the Nessie Condoms™!" He shouted, slightly too loudly.

Dave nodded in reply. "Whaddya say we go get some, ay?"

Jack goofily smiled and nodded.

The pair held each other up and robbed some corner store that for some reasons had condoms, with a picture of the Loch Ness Monster on the front of the packet, with text that said 'Want to see the MONSTER?' printed.