The secret ingredient

Chapter 23

Life has been doing good these past weeks. I've finished my book, went on bunch of dates with Elijah. Now I'm just sitting in the living room, alone doing nothing but listening to the peaceful rain hitting on my window. It all seems perfect but at the same time it also doesn't.

Jimmy won't leave my mind and although I know he won't be around for too long, I am not ready for that moment to come. I think no person can prepare themselves for someone's death. When the moment comes, it all seems like you never even knew.

Luna is sitting on my lap purring as I pet her and I reach to my phone and text Elijah. I text him to come over.

A few minutes pass and Elijah still isn't responding. It's strange because I know he isn't working today. "Whatever." I mutter and stand up from the couch. I leave my apartment and knock on Elijahs door.

One knock, no answer.
Second knock, no answer.
Third knock, I can hear footsteps. This is improving.

He opens the door, rubbing his eye. He has no shirt on. Oh damn. Those toned abs and the visible V line going down to his boxer shorts.

His hand goes to my chin and he raises my head up to look him in the eyes. "Distracted are we?"

I roll my eyes sarcastically, "You did this on purpose, didn't you?"

He tilts his head and smirks "So what you here for? Missing some flour?"

"Hah. Funny. But no I still have that ginormous pack you gave me. I texted you and you didn't answer. Well, I got my answer now."

Elijah takes a step back, making room for me "Come in M'lady, we don't want you to get cold out here."

As soon as I enter his apartment I get some type of Deja vu.

"What are you thinking about, Flower? You're looking like you could use some rest. Come here." He opens his arms and embraces me.

I hug him back and smile. He pulls away and stares at me. It's like he's examining my face and searching for answers. "Did you by any chance hear anything about Jim?" I ask and his expression changes.

"No. But look, D, if at some point Jim-"

Elijahs phone suddenly rings. He grabs it and looks at the number. He answers it and after some mhm's, his eyes land on me. It's as if the room got more silent than it already was.

I shake my head "What? Who is it?"

His eyes turn dark as he whispers "Jimmy..."

***

Me and Elijah are waiting in the hall. My feet are shaking, bouncing up and down over and over again. My mouth is dry and my hand is cold and sweaty between Elijahs hands.

Earlier when we made our way to the hospital we shared no words. Elijah had his hands tight around the steering wheel and we were so fast that we almost crashed into another car. The nurses told us that Jim hasn't been doing better and that his heartbeat has been very low these couple weeks. She also told us that he may not make it to tomorrow.

I want to see him. Talk to him. Before he takes his last breath. Please hold on, Jim.

Minutes feel like hours and I want the nurses to allow me to see him.

My gaze lands on Elijahs hand. I see his scar again. Then I look up at him. He doesn't look well. Very pale and his beard is slightly starting to show. Still he looks so perfect as we share this silent moment. We don't need to talk because we already know how we both feel about this situation. A quick squeeze on my hand just tells me that he's telling me everything is going to be okay. So I look back to the ground.

Suddenly in a heartbeat I hear nurses running and yelling. I don't think much of it but when I see them running toward Jim's room I grow scared. This isn't happening, right? Please, Jim.

Elijah stands up and orders a nurse to let us in. When I see her face I can already tell what it means. Just like the face they gave me when my mom died. It's really happening. I blink a few times and storm into Jims room without any approval. Fuck the damn approval. I don't care about anything but Jim right now.

I swing the door open and that's when I feel it again. That pain. The disbelief. The shock. It's the same damn pain in my chest. "Jimmy.." I whisper quietly. My entire body feels weak and nurses are now all around me, carrying me out of the room.

Why now? Why today? Why is it always me? Why won't something go the way I want to?

Suddenly I come across a reflection. I look away as fast as I can. But I didn't look away fast enough to not see myself screaming.

I can't even hear my own screams, I can only feel the itching pain in my throat. But this is not how it went last time. There was no screaming. Only pain and silence.

And not only was I screaming at the nurses who tried carrying me away. I was also yelling at Jimmy's lifeless body on the hospital bed.

This feels like the end. 

Close your eyes. 

It feels like the end. 

Drift of. 

This may be the end. 

Die.

But is this really the end?