The secret ingredient

Chapter 10

The sun is up. I pull my blanket over my head. I hear my TV playing. Wait-

I pull the blanket off my head and realize that I'm on the couch? I'm pretty sure I fell asleep on my bed. Did I sleepwalk? No, that can't be. I haven't done that ever since I tuned 11. Something is wrong.

My apartment is even cleaner than remember it be last night. I stand up and notice my cat not laying in her usual spot. My cat is gone. Luna is gone. Where the fuck is she?

I run into my room and my phone is also not there where I left it. What is going on? I swear if I got robbed and the robber left the door open, so my cat ran away. Fuck, fuck, fuck- No, this isn't actually happening. Nothing like that happened.

My writer mind is imagining the strangest and the creepiest scenarios right now. I'm freaking out.

I walk into my kitchen and immediately freeze. There's a woman standing by the stove, cooking something. She's wearing a long silk dress. Her hair is light brown and it's long. I don't know who she is, but she looks stunning from the back. But still, who is she and why is she in my apartment?

She turns around and I see a familiar face. An oddly familiar one.

It's my mom. Oh, my god. Mom is standing in my kitchen.

I instantly run toward her, and she opens her arms to embrace me. I hug her as tight as I can.

She releases me and holds my chin up "Oh look at you, my princess. You've grown up so much and you've gotten so beautiful. Gosh, I love you so much."

I start to sob and hug her "Oh my god, mommy." I bury my head in her neck and sob. "I've missed you so much. Thank you so much for coming back, I was a lost cause without you. Never leave again. I can't do this anymore."

She wipes my tears away "I'm so sorry, Luna." No mom don't apologize, I just don't want this moment to end.

Now we're both on the floor crying out to eachother "Baby look at me" I do as she says "You should know I'm always there even though you can not see me. I'm always with you and Jim. You are my girl and I am so proud of who you have become. You deserve the world. Find someone who can make you happy again. Please. I want to see the daughter I once knew, again. Not only me. Jimmy does too. And he told me that." 

I can't say or feel anything, I'm just crying, and I can't really see her through my tears. Everything is blurry.

My doorbell suddenly wakes me up from my dream.

My doorbell rang. I woke up. I was asleep.

I wake up laying on my bed with my cat lying beside me.

I was only dreaming. I'm awake. It was all just a dream. My mom isn't coming back, she is actually gone, forever.

The doorbell rings again; must be Jimmy. He wanted to come over today. I stand up and rub my eyes. They are wet. I have been crying while dreaming. Damn.

It all felt so real. I could feel every hug and every emotion. She looked so unbelievably pretty. Her laugh, her voice, just everything. I heard and felt everything. It was just like it was before she passed away. Like the old times.

The doorbell rings a third time. I need to open that door before I freak out.

I open the door and see Jimmy. He's smiling at me, holding a bouquet of flowers. Not just any flowers, Middlemist Red flowers. They were my mom's favourite flowers and they are very rare. I don't know how he bought them.

Everything. The dream. The emotions. And now those flowers. This just made everything worse.

I start to tear up and hug him. Everything from the dream and the flowers and everything I've been holding back is now coming back up. I'm shaking and I'm sobbing into Jimmy's chest. He's never seen me cry this intense, I mean he did, but it's been a while. He's probably very concerned right now. I'm sorry, Jimmy.

I want my mom to hold me and tell me it's going to be okay.. I want my mom to come back..

Jimmy's holding me and stays silent so I can cry. Just like he always did. It was always him, my mom and me but now it's only the two of us and he's always been there for me; Letting me cry out and letting me be my new depressed self.

How am I going to tell him about my dream? I can't even really breathe right now and I'm only thinking about it. But I think I'm not going to cry. I never cry while talking about my mom, I don't know why, it's just that I cry when I think of her. And I can't do that to Jimmy; cry and also talk about my mom. I just can't. So I hold back my tears when I talk to him.

Thank you, Jimmy for always holding me in my darkest times.

***

The next day I woke up with dry eyes. I did cry; the entire day actually. The dream was too much for me.

When I finally told Jimmy about my dream I thought he'd cry, but he didn't. He smiled and he had that glow in his eyes. The glow he always has in his eyes when we talk about her. He told me I look even more like my mom when I cried and he told me that he also stuck with my mom while she would cry too. He looks out for me just like he did for her. That made me sob even more.

I love Jim, I love those silly nickname's he gives me all the time. No one calls me by any nickname's except Jim. Or is it maybe because I don't have anyone else to call me Pumkin or kiddo except him.

Maybe he's right, maybe I do need someone other than him in my life. Jimmy does know what's best and that's why I'm going to trust him. I'm going to change, not only for him, not for myself but for my beloved mother. Who told me in my dream that she wants me to see me live happy again.

I am going to change for you, mom. Not change but get my old self back. Because I love you and miss everything about you.

I'll do it. I'll fall in love.