The secret ingredient

Chapter 4

Some days I take long showers. I don't need long to get myself clean, no that's not it. Other people sing and dance in showers, but I cry. I just can't help it. The tears just start falling. People do that if they have another person with them; they shower to have some alone time and take advantage of it to cry. But I live alone, I'm literally alone 24/7 except when I'm with Jimmy.

No roommate, no boyfriend, husband or any kids. So why do I cry mostly when I'm in the shower? I haven't talked to my therapist about it, she would probably say something metaphoric like the water cleanses my sadness or depressive habits. And sit opposite her, nod at everything and then I shrug it off. Maybe I'll tell her about it at some point, if it gets to much.

I pull on my sweater and some baggy jeans and pick out a pair of black converse. I pick up my phone and my purse. I am making myself ready to go Jim's café. I haven't been there in a week and that means I also haven't seen Jimmy for a whole week. So I text Jimmy that I'm coming by now.

Daisy: Hey old man! I'm making my way over to your café. Hope to see you there. Bye.

I grab my laptop and put on my coat "Bye Luna, I'm going to Jim now. Stay alive!" I yell at my way out. Then I glance at my new neighbor's door.

The -still mysterious- guy moved in a week ago. So far everything is still good. And by good I mean quiet. Though I thought he died at first because he was too quiet, but then I heard him open his apartment one day and I was so shocked that I actually stiffened. You can tell I'm not used to this neighborhood shit.

I haven't heard his voice nor did I see him once. He could just bump in to me someday in the city and I wouldn't even know that it was him. So when he made noise a few days ago I was shocked to hear him.

He moved in a week ago. I haven't even welcomed him yet but he doesn't seem to be bothered about that so we're valid, I guess. To be completely honest, I feel kind of bad. What if he wanted a welcome to the neighborhood party or a cake? Shit. I eventually have to say a word to him one day, right? Not today though. All I want to do is to sit in Jim's café, drink some coffees and write an awesome ending for my book.

I start walking down the stairs and finally make my way to Jim's café.

***

Typing and deleting. That's all I've been doing this past hour. I've been typing stuff and I've been deleting it after I'm done. But I've never struggled this hard to finish a book. I used to write something that my mind comes up with and wouldn't end up deleting it. I would love it, actually. But I'm sitting here deleting not only words, not pages, but entire chapters. I am literally unsatisfied with anything that I come up with.

I have only now noticed that I haven't ordered anything yet. Plus I haven't seen Jimmy once since I'm here, and Jimmy is usually the first person I see.

Has he read my message yet? I grab my phone out of my pocket. No, the message is still unread. Weird. I should just try to call him. Yeah that's a good idea.

I pull out my phone and start dialing his number until-

"Excuse me, would you like to order?" an unfamiliar deep voice ask me politely. I look up and meet a pair of unfamiliar big hazel eyes. 

Oh my.. Who is he? He isn't familiar but i still remember him from somewhere.. Did I meet him at a store? No. Did I bump into him once? No. Wait a minute. Oh of course.. It's the new waiter that I stared at the last time I was here.

"Yeah I- uh I.." Just answer his damn question, Daisy  "Yeah I would like the usual-" Mission completely failed, dumbass.

I facepalm and blush, "I'm sorry I mean an iced almond milk latte, please."

My cheeks are probably redder than tomatoes right now. I'm so embarrassed 'cause, what was that? 'I would like the usual' ?? I know he is new and I only say that to the waiters I'm familiar with -everyone here-, so how did that slip out of my mouth? I'm awkward and need to think before speaking.

He smiles at me, nods and just walks off. He must be an actor because he's probably trying his best not to laugh at me or give me a weird look.

Anyway, what was I about to do? I look around to help myself remember. Then I see Jimmy's number halfway dialed on my phone display. Right, I wanted to call him!

But when I tap on my screen I suddenly hear his voice coming from the back room behind the counter. Oh well. His phone must be off.

I wait until he sees me. What was he doing in there? And who was he talking to?

"Here's your iced almond milk latte, sweetheart." The same waiter says as he puts my coffee on my table. My eyes grow wide. Sweetheart?

Then I see Jimmy coming out of that room behind the waiter. I tilt my head slightly, trying to get sight of Jimmy which is unsuccessful.

I realise how the waiter is still standing at my table and I nod "Thank you for the coffee." I can't see Jimmy "I'm sorry but you're in the way. Could you..?" I motion him to step to the side.

He looks in the direction I'm looking at and raises an eyebrow, "Sweetheart, I know it's none of my business, but ain't he a little too old for you?"

Excuse me, what now? First of all this is disgusting and second of all why would he even say that?

I frown at him and put on a fake smile, "Yeah no, I am not looking at him because of something like that." Suddenly I feel myself standing right in front of him. I am now noticing how much taller he is than me.

I look into his hazel eyes and lean into his face, "And you're right, even if I was interested in older men, that ain't never going to be you're damn business. Now could you do me a favor and leave me alone," I look at his name tag "Elijah."I say quietly and sit back down.

Who am I? That wasn't me. I seem to be the only one who's shocked. Because he is standing in the same spot with a smirk. Why is he fucking smiling?

"You can leave now, Elijah." I find myself say to him. Why isn't he talking back at me?

And to my surprise he raises both hands, turns around and actually continues working. I feel my lips forming to a big smile.

What did just happen and who am I right now? And where is Jim?