The Emptiness She Holds

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Chapter 1: Home
I walked out the white gates with my yellow jumper and metallic cuffs

Finally being able to take off this stupid jumper after these 3 years makes me feel so much better

Yellow isnt exactly every girls color

Nor is being framed and found guilty for killing your ex boyfriend

Did I kill him and put him six feet under? Yes. Yes I did...but I didnt do it without a reason

I had a hell of a reason. Being 12 and dating the leader of a gang didnt somehow scare my stupid younger self

What can I say I was rebellious and I liked it.

I headed to the guard blocking the 2nd double gates from my freedom

He took my cuffs off and gave me a stern eye "I know, god you wont see me again!" I said blowing a raspberry at him

I headed out to the familiar white car my mom had for years

She got out of the car and engulfed me into a hug

Hugging me tightly and closely

I smelled her familiar vanilla and lilac scent instantly filling me with memories only she felt...different

We didnt basically have an easy life

It was always me and her, until I was sent to this hell

Dear daddy was never around at least only when he decided to throw his broken beer bottles and whip me and my mother.He ended up dead in a ditch.

"My beautiful baby girl...you look so beautiful and so different " she said her blonde hair flowing in waves and her mesmerising green eyes mirroring mine

She didn't feel familiar at all but that's probably the accident that blocked my memories

We looked so alike and she was only 39

Except I dyed my hair black while in juvie only some blonde streaks were noticeable now

She ushered me in the car and took us back to place I once called home

Pulling up to my old New York worn down apartment brought more memories

I walked in through the almost broken door and pushed it open making it slightly creak

I looked around the place nothing had changed
Bug the same and surprisingly running

Our mahogany vintage table mom got from a discount store for a good price Still sat there

I quick ran up the stairs and into my teenage bedroom

I stopped in my tracks looking at all the posters I had around my walls

Books laying all over my shelves
My closet full and messy

My shoe place full of my brand shoes that I paid for proudly

My canopy bed that was hanged up from the ceiling

I quickly went into my bathroom and turned it on hot water but I wasnt used to it since in juvie we only had cold water

So I switched it back to cold and let my body refresh

After I took a shower I quickly got into comfortable sweats that surprisingly still fit me and a grey sweatshirt pulling my waist length hair into a messy bun

I then ran downstairs to see my mom in the kitchen playing some beats and swaying her hips

A smile made it's way onto my lips but quickly vanished

I made my way to the kitchen joining her in the lyrics

She adjusted to her partner(aka me) and started twirling me and I the same

We grabbed two wooden spoons and started singing along to 24kmagic by bruno Mars

Once the song ended we both stopped and stared at each other out of breath but then burst out into full laughter

She served me a bowl of spaghetti and then we went to sit on the couch where silence was our peace

"I missed you...it was so lonley all these years" she said all of a sudden

I looked at her and stopped picking at my food

No matter what food you gave me I could never get adjusted to it
I always ate an apple and water every day. Not that juvie restricted us from food but that I just wasnt that hungry...

Soon I started working out every day because daily fights would happen in juvie and I never knew if I would be next

I earned some abs and a fit figure but still could never find it in me to eat enough

I snapped out of my thoughts and put the plate still full with food down on the coffee table

"I missed you too mom...believe it or not mom it wasnt all that bad especially with your weekly visits" I said trying to smile but my face couldnt move

"I know you've always been a strong girl but I was afraid that place might've broken you.." she said looking anywhere at me

I let out a deep sigh " oh mama it did. It did break me but then I built myself up again and I would kill that fucker all over again if I went back in time. But I do regret leaving you alone...I'm sorry " I said my voice seething in anger and then switching to regret and guilt

My mother looked at me with sadness in her eyes

She then started fiddling with her fingers

"Sooo I wasnt technically lonely these years.." she said quietly

I looked at her with no emotion

"I...I met someone a year ago. His name is Vince Armani...and he asked me to marry him last week" she said in a low voice

I stopped blinking and moving all together

"You said no right" I said coldly

She widened her eyes with panic "I-I love him sweetie he made my life so much better and has shown me what true love is...I said yes. He seems so familiar like I've known him before and his sons are just so so familiar I cant understand why but i love them as my own already" she said her eyes flickering up and down to a diamond ring I just noticed

So this guy was obviously loaded I could tell it was legit from this guy I met in juvie who would sell knock offs and eventually got caught. He told me all kinds of things how to steal, how to pickpocket, and how to uock safes. He couldve escaped juvie but he only repeated "when the time is right"

My breath hitched and then I mentally slapped myself

"Whens the wedding" I asked trying not to sound so cold

She paused for a second and then looked into my eyes "it's in 2 days" she said in a quiet voice

I let out a deep breathe before looking into her eyes again

'You've got to be fucking kidding me'

"I'm happy for you really" with that I went up to my room and closed the door before laying down on my bed

What did I expect shes still young and it's not like dad was a good person...

I squeezed my eyes tight and stared out my window as rain poured on it

"She deserves to be happy for once in her life..." I murmured to myself before falling asleep.

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