Careful what you wish for

VULNERABLE

I walked into the house, trying not to loose myself before I got up stairs. the overstimulation got to me first.
I had shut myself in the bathroom, turning on the water.
the water was hot as it hit my skin. I sank down to let the water submerge over me. Letting it flow through the spaces between my fingers.
I heard a slight knock at the door.
"Hey, can I come in." Noah said holding back his voice a little.
"Yeah.." I sigh.
"you okay? I know what just happened was a lot." He avoided eye contact with me.
"Yeah, just overwhelmed. " I say running my palms over the water.
He bends next to me as I lean back again, this time lying my arms on the side of the tub.
"You want me to leave you alone?" He asks kissing me.
"No.. stay." I plead.
He sat and focused his eyes on mine. For the first time I'd been able to see that his eyes were not a dull brown but an earthy rich brown. Like honey.
"I love your eyes Lilly." He studies me.
I hated my eyes. they were green. The color of sickness, of sadness.
"Describe them to me." I tell him in soft words.
"well, I see a forest, with the light shining through the trees. I've never seen eyes so loudly green. In the sun, you can see little bits of yellow and the little freckle next your iris. But it's hard to focus on those pretty eyes when your lips distract me. the way your cupids bow is a perfect semicircle and your lips are soft everytime I kiss them." He traces him thumb around my lips and onto my chin. "your hands get me too. the way you type or the way you fold our laundry. The little domestic things about you drive me nuts." He smiles.
I stand up from the tub still naked and soaking wet standing there, vulnerable.
Noah grabs the dark blue towel off the counter and wraps it around me not closing it all the way, pulling my naked body toward him. Just holding me. in our moment of vulnerability. Saying absolutely nothing.
I wrap myself the rest of the way.
"No no. Allow me." Noah says scooping me up bridal style.
"NOWAHH. I'm in a towel. All of our friends are downstairs" I shriek.
"I DONT CARE. " he yells purposefully. "LILLIAN IS NAKED AND WRAPPED IN A TOWEL AND WE ARE HEADED TO THE BED ROOM."
my whole body caught on fucking fire.
"ABSTINENCE DAWG" folio yells upstairs
"ALWAYS DUDE" Noah responds
"Shut up Noah." I laugh.
"No" he laughs throwing me down on to the bed.
"Ah-" I shriek again.
"Shh." He laughs.
"Make me." I smirk.

vulnerability. that was the word to describe our relationship.
we made eachother vulnerable.
it was terrifying. But in this moment.
I am willing to sound stupid.
I'm willing to make a mistake.
I'm willing to admit that I was scared.
I wanted us to be messy, imperfect but genuinely authentic.
to love at all is to be vulnerable.
and in this house. In this room. In this bed.
We were vulnerable.