Careful what you wish for

See you soon.

Two days later.
Everyone rolled out of bed in a melancholy manner. None of us wanted today to happen. Nicholas, folio and Aliyah were headed back home.
we all stood at the door grasping onto the moments we had left.
"before you guys go..." I trail," I got you all a gift."
"What?? You didn't have to." Aliyah says.
"Just open it." I demand.
Nicholas opens his first, tearing each piece of paper out of the bag neatly.
"you got me a mug." He smiles. "I love it." He hugs me.
Aliyah was next, the same as Nicholas, neatly pulling the paper out of the blue stripped bag, being gentle as possible.
"LILLIAN?!" She exclaimed. "THIS IS SO EXPENSIVE." She says holding the camera lens in her hand.
"I heard you talking about it the other night so, I just figured that I'd get it" I shrug.
"I love you." She hugs me tight.
Folio was next. he started ripping the box apart in a chaotic fashion.
I anxiously watch him pull out the gift I had tried so hard to find.
"you got me a trout rod." He looks at me is disbelief.
"Yes, i did" I lightly smile.
"You didn't have to do this. Why did you" he asks.
"Because I care about you, you piece of shit." I say punching his arm.
"Thanks. I appreciate it Lilly." Folio grabs me and pulls me into a hug. "Asshole"
I step back toward Noah. Studying the bags and suitcases by the door.
We walk them out to the car and say our final goodbyes before Aliyah, Nicholas and folio get into the car.
"drive safe. Call me when you get home. keep in touch." I scramble. "Lilly. I'm gonna miss you."
Aliyah says hugging me one last time.
"I'm gonna miss you" I say shedding a tear.
"okay. Get on the road." I sniffle.
I walk back into the house. it seemed more empty than it was.
I sat on the couch for what seemed like hours, wrapped up in the blue fuzzy blanket, that had become an acute sense of comfort.
"you okay?" Noah and jolly took turns asking for the remainder of the night.
All I have was an empty shrug or the occasional "yeah"
I get up to check on noah.
But it seemed I didn't have to go far. he had been watching me through the door way.
I walked over sluggishly and placed my head on his bare chest, letting the hot tears roll down my cheeks.
Whimpering every other second.
"Shh. It's okay." He rubs my back in an attempt to comfort me.
"I miss them." I whisper.
"Why did the stupid world hand to shut down? " I started to get more and more upset.
"babe. I know you miss them. But it won't be the last time you will get to see them." He says hollowly
I take a few steps back.
"Tomorrows aren't promised. you don't know that. " I put my hands to my side.
"Lilly. calm down."
"DONT TELL ME WHAT TO FUCKING DO NOAH"
I yelled,
Before eventually going out side.
As I sat on the lawn chair, I thought about the water balloon fight that had taken place two days before and allowed myself to smile.
I also envisioned what everything would be like if we went on tour again? How dad and Willow was.
I decided that I should call.
L: "Hey."
R: "hey lil, what's up?"
L: "I just missed you guys, wanted to see how you were"
R: "good, YOUR SISTER IS ABOUT TO GET STRANGLED THOUGH" he laughed.
L: "put her on the phone dad."
R: "WILLOW GRACE. Phone."
W: "LILLY." Her eyes got bright.
L: "HEY LOVE BUG, what are you up to?"
W: "nothing.." she grins
L: "giving dad all the trouble huh?"
W: "NOOOO." She laughs.
R: "LIES. DONT CONSPIRE AGAINST ME GIRLS"
L: "isn't it almost bed time?"
W: "yeah, I don't wanna go." She whines.
L: "well what if I sang your song?!"
W: "FINE. I'll go."

She walks up to bed and dad gets her tucked in.
L: "so which one do you wanna hear?"
W: "our song, Lilly."
L: "all tucked in?"
W: *nods head*
L:
"I'm here to say goodbye
A spell, a prayer, you try
To bring me back to life
(Don't follow me, follow me)
So look me in my eyes
Sing me lullabies
Hold me til it's time
(Don't follow me, follow me)"

Our dad wrote this for us, when he wasn't home as much and I've sang it to Willow since she was little.
I see willows eyes get heavy and flutter lightly so I start singing quieter.

"All we are is a cosmic dust that scatters free
With no sense of direction, we're just wandering
Who we are is determined by the scars (We're wandering)
Death is like a one way ticket to a distant star (We're wondering)"
L: "good night Willow. "
R: "I love hearing you song that end part. (He whispers) "
L: "I know. Good night dad."
I hang up the phone.

I walk back inside, walking toward the couch.
"I'm sorry... for yelling at you" I look down.
"Wanna lay with me?" Noah asks.
"yeah. But can I braid your hair first?"
I start running my hands through his long brown hair.
"Baby. Would you be upset if I cut my hair?" He looks up.
"I mean, it's your hair. I'd miss playing with it all the time" I continue sliding my fingers down his hair.
"I think I am gonna cut it because it's getting hot out." He shivers. I rest my chin pain his head and wrap my arms around his shoulders.
"what if I dyed my hair? Would you be upset?"
"Absolutely not."
he gets up on the couch between my legs and positions hisself on my chest.
we lay there, not moving, not speaking. just the slow stead pound of our heartbeats in sync.
"I love you.. Noah."
though I missed our friends, I could lie here with him forever and never go outside again.
He was my comfort. My everything.