Poems

Dad?

All my life I used to wonder where you were.
Why you left, If you ever wanted me.
And ever since I was a little girl I imagined that you were this amazing man on a white horse in bright shining armor.

The man who would swoop in and save me
take me away from my Abuser and never look back.
But you never did, and so I endured four years of torture.

When I finally did meet you I felt more alone then ever.
I can't even write down a description because it was that bad.
You brought me a teddy bear and gave me 50 dollars before I left.

I was confused and threw away the bear
I also threw away the money.
You were supposed to see me at the pool later that weekend.
You never showed.

The first but not the last time you'd flake out on me
I forgave you even though it hurt me.
But then you did it again, and again,
you said you stopped doing the cocaine.

But you lied
You said you converted to Christianity
But that was also a lie.
You were two miles away from the ER where I was being held because I attempted suicide again but you didn't come to see me.

And you never called while I was in the hospital even though I called you the second after I took the forty pills.
You forgot to call your dad in Cuba to see my quince dance.
You forgot to say happy birthday
Merry Christmas
Happy Thanksgiving
so with all these lies and false promises

I wonder.
did you lie to my mother when you said that you wanted me?
It feels that way
because I've cut you out of my life for my own good
but not before cussing you out with every ounce of anger in my body.

Because I know deep down
You don't love me
And everything you've said before to my mom and to me
It's all been proved false.

Fuck you dad