Poems

Empty

I sit in the dark
staring at the ceiling.
Watching, waiting for something anything.
Any kind of sign that I'm a human and that I'm not a shell of the person I used to be.

I sit for hours on end in silence wondering how my life went so wrong in such a short time.
I look to my left and my right I can see my siblings fast asleep next to me.

Yet I still feel so alone, so empty.
Usually being near them cheers me up and gets me out of my moods but lately I can't do it no matter what I try to do.
I feel lost, and almost like the darkness is closing in on me.
Like I have no way out.
And the closer it gets the worse my thoughts get.

I can see and hear other people but I can't say honestly that I am paying attention to them completely or that I feel alive when I'm with them because I don't.

It's like the monster inside my head doesn't even have to come any closer because I've already given up.
I have no energy to fight it anymore, if someone offered me a way out I wouldn't go with them.
I'd stay, only because I'm scared to be happy.

Being happy doesn't last forever, and that's truly scary because anything can happen and it'll drop my mood down so badly that I don't know if I'd be able to survive it emotionally.
So I choose to stay in the dark.
It's safer in a way, despite the crippling depression and constant emptiness at least I can say that It won't come and go so frequently like happiness does.