Coin Flip - Lo'ak

2:

I wanted to keep a close eye on our new guests but it was nearing eclipse and dinner soon came around.

I came to my pod, skinning and cooking the fish I caught earlier so that I could fill the hunger bursting inside me.

Sitting down in my small home to eat, I sat by the fire I had just prepared the fish on and used it as a table once the cover was placed on it. The remaining heat kept my dinner warm.

I started tearing the meat off the bone to eat as I got lost in thought again.

It's not like I always ate by myself, I joined the others too, all eating together in one area. But it got hard pretending not to notice how distant most were towards me.

Despite being near people I knew my whole life, most weren't really my friends. They had people who were closer. People who they felt more comfortable with. And despite being surrounded by so many, I couldn't help but feel even more lonely than being alone in my hut.

I definitely did have close friends but it just became harder to be around them when their duties increased with age.

I hated thinking like this. My mind always finding ways to remind me of how alone I really was. It became worse being around people, seeing everyone's relationships with their families, lovers, and friends.

My mind never failed to make me pity myself. It was a terrible habit. I could have a positive mindset and remind myself of all that I do have; like shelter and food, but it wasn't enough. I wanted love.

Sometimes I think I make myself feel sorry for myself. I hated it, but I just couldn't help it. I didn't want to be pitied by anyone, yet somehow I still pitied myself.

When I finished my dinner, I got comfortable laying down on my mat. My hands supporting my head as I stared at the roof.

My eyes became droopy but I couldn't stop thinking of our new visitors. I just couldn't believe I ever saw someone who looks like me. That dark shade of blue. I finally had someone who shared the same qualities. I couldn't be more excited for the next day to come. I wanted to meet them. I needed to meet them.

Closing my eyes, I forced myself to fall asleep as soon as possible so that morning came even faster.

————————

Ironically, morning came sooner than expected, so soon in fact, that I woke just before sunrise. I had this new feeling of hope and excitement filling my body, something I hadn't felt in a long time.

It was hope of finally being included. Maybe having people who shared my qualities, would help me fit in, maybe even finally find my people like I'd always dream of.

I hopped out of bed and tied my hair back, letting some short pieces to fall in effort to frame my face. I was ready for the day.

I jumped out into the water as soon as I came outside. The water greeted me, hugged me hello, and refreshed me from my slumber.

I called my ilu, Firik, and together we rode to my rock.

Swimming so fast with Firik really woke me up. I couldn't help but smile zooming past the coral and sea life.

As we arrived, I let her roam around again freely, though she never went too far. Climbing onto the rock and in my usual spot, I picked up and fiddled with the shell I left from the day before, surprised to see it still there, the water must have been incredibly calm that night.

I kept on thinking how I could introduce myself to the newcomers. I had to do it fast because the anticipation was killing me. I couldn't swipe that smile off of my face or push away the excitement within me. It was bubbling at my chest and I couldn't beckon it to stop, I relished in this feeling.