Coin Flip - Lo'ak

7:

Why are you acting like this, I kept thinking to myself. It's so annoying! Lo'ak just held your arm a little too tight, that's all. He didn't mean to cause me harm.

I don't understand why your acting like a sissy. He was just angry from something before he saw me on the beach, and I sent him over the edge, a little fuel to the fire. It probably meant nothing. You're making it into a big deal when it's not. Right?

These thoughts raced through my mind while I was pacing back and forth in my pod.

I mean why. Like why do I feel like this? My life has always been a great target to bully. From no family, to limited friends, it was destined for this. And I was used to it! It didn't effect me that much anymore - of course, apart from when Ao'nung's friends went overboard.

So why was this incident effecting me in this way. Was it truly because I viewed the Sully's as a part of my identity? Because we share the same culture? The forest Na'vi? Is that why I'm acting as if I got speared through my heart? As if I have a gaping wound when all I have is a small bruise, which was actually slowly starting to subside with the help of Neteyam's cream.

I look so weak. Stop feeling this way. It's just a bruise! Be a warrior. Feign confidence. Forget what happened. Forgive and forget.

But how can I forgive and forget when he hasn't even tried to apologise, and this feeling deep down inside of me was constantly there. A reminder of his words. A reminder that no matter how hard I've been trying to fit in all my life, I never will. Ever.

And I fooled myself into believing I that I could.

Great. I'm doing it again: feeling sorry for myself.

I wish I could slap some sense into me!

Seeing as there was nothing I could do, I had to take my mind off of this. I have to get distracted.

And distracted is what I knew best.

So with that, I made my way out of the hut and jumped into the water, calling Firik over to me, and swam in the direction of Tsireya and the others learning how to ride an ilu.

Teaching could be my escape right now.

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I exited the water a few meters away from where they all were so I wouldn't scare them by suddenly appearing.

"Hey guys," I waved, pulling my queue from Firik's.

"Avera, nice of you to join us." Ao'nung couldn't help the sarcasm.

"I thought you guys may need an extra hand and you know what Ao'nung? Better late than never, right?" I reciprocated the sarcasm, causing him to chuckle.

I swam to Tsireya, who was helping Tuk. It looked like Tsireya was in charge of who helped who so I'd better just ask her if she has anyone in mind for me to help.

"I'll get you to help Tuk, she seems to be getting the hang of it." Tsireya tells me once I've voiced my question.

"Them on the other hand, eywa knows how much help they'll need." She drew her attention to behind me while pointing her finger towards the shore. Both Neteyam and Lo'ak were swimming towards us.

Just what I needed. I came here to escape not to be even more reminded of everything.

Tsireya continued talking about how "Ao'nung was helping Neteyam, until he went to grab something from his hut. He's been gone for a while and I think Ao'nung has gotten used to just messing around and not actually helping anyone though." She quickly caught me up on what's been happening before I came.