Diary of an Occultist

May 7th, 2022 | 12:03 PM

Dear all who may be reading this including me, 

I got closer this time, and I saw its eye. It was the same dream, all over again, but I managed to catch a closer glimpse. The figure's eye was a golden sheen of yellow. It was pristine, beautiful even. But I could not see more than just a moment. 

It's a rainy morning. I woke up late. I could not sleep a good portion of the night because of my various worries - not just about the book but my life in general. At the very least, I made a new friend yesterday. I was at Satchel's reading the new chapter of the unnamed book when a girl with jet-black hair approached me. The girl was very confident and had a pretty, vintage face. She looked like she could be a movie star from the 1950s. She said I had a mysterious look in my eyes while I was reading and wanted to know more about me. How could I refuse? I began telling her a bit about myself and so did she. She goes to Boston College but her family lives in Morsport. She is majoring in philosophy as well, and she is doing a minor in anthropology. It seemed then, we had a lot in common starting out. She told me her name is Delaney. Before I could talk more though, a friend of her's peaked inside and asked her to hurry up. Delaney apologized and then told me to catch her when she comes here tomorrow. I must say, I am liking this socializing thing already. 

Back on the topic of the book, yesterday I finished reading "Seeing Through the Veil" at Satchel's. The chapter talked about the importance of developing a consistent meditational practice in order to achieve the goals of the book. Doing so, apparently, can lead to the enhancement of psychic abilities and success in the book's various rituals. The chapter then became more pragmatic, offering a variety of meditational techniques to start off. My favorite one was the celestial meditation. It was just like box breathing, except you need to visualize the silvery energy of the moon entering you as you inhale and leaving you as you exhale. The last part of the chapter was a ritual outline. This one was more complex than the first. Its purpose was to allow one to fully see into the spirit world (past the veil). It warned it may cause anxiety and one to see disturbing apparitions if one is not properly prepared via the meditation techniques. For the ritual, I would need to be in a room in silence again. Eight candles must be lit and placed in an eye shape. I would then need to draw a triangle of my own blood on my forehead, mixed with lavender oil. The reasoning for this is that I would be opening my "third eye" and extending my essence and consciousness past it in order to see past the veil. Finally, I would have to chant "KAH-VEH-FU" again. 

You are probably wondering if I did the ritual after Satchel's. I hesitated at first to do it for obvious reasons but my urge to know got the best of me. I wanted to know if there really was a world beyond our physical reality - if the various beasts, demons, angels, deities, and other spirits really existed. So I said fuck it. I waited until late when my whole family was asleep. The room was completely dark and silent. Before I started, I took some of the candles my mom keeps in one of the kitchen cabinets for when guests come. I also grabbed the sharpest kitchen knife and the lavender essential oil my mom uses for her diffuser. I put the candles in an oval-eye shape and lit them with one of those elongated lighters. The candle arrangement looked odd at first since they were different sizes but I decided to ignore it. Before I went on, I thought to myself, "What the hell am I doing?" I am a lonely guy in New England with anxiety performing a fringe ritual. I decided to ignore the thought. Better to move on and focus than allow my insecurity and fears to get the best of me. Next came the hard part: the blood. I am not afraid of blood or my own blood, but the mere concept of maiming myself made me cringe. My heart was pounding and was beginning to hyperventilate. Then, I remember what Dr. Ealy taught me and decided to focus on something else and then on my own breath. Gradually, I calmed down and gained more courage. I took a deep breath and did a thin slice of my left palm with the kitchen knife. It wasn't deep enough, so I did it another time. This time, blood finally let out - more than I expected. I grabbed a tissue from my night table and dabbed it over my maimed palm. I then took my two right fingers and dabbed them in the remaining blood. I made a triangle of blood on my forehead and added some lavender essential oil to it. Finally, I began chanting "KAH-VEH-FU." This time, it felt empowering instead of merely calming. I felt a surge of heat in my chest but it was not anxiety. As I kept chanting, this feeling only became stronger. After some more chanting, my forehead started tingling as well with some slight burning. My eyes became crossed and I was truly in a trance. Then, I felt a hand grasp my shoulder. I freaked out and almost knocked over the candles. I looked around me and then I saw who touched me. It was the figure from the dream. He was there, in front of my own eyes, standing in my room. My first reaction was to ask who it is. But, it didn't respond. It only said the following in a coarse, whispery voice: "Your fate lies ahead, young conjurer. Continue the practice and you shall be rewarded. Fail, and you will fall back into nothingness." In the blink of an eye, the figure disappeared into the ground. All that remained was a small clump of ashes in its wake. Clearly, I was terrified by this incident. But, I did not feel the figure was threatening - more like a teacher, watcher, or guide. I also could still not see its face during its appearance. I recognize some may discontinue any involvement with the unnamed book at this moment, but I remembered what the figure said. And so, I will continue my work. 

Sincerely,

Douglas.