buddie oneshots

motion (1)

[ Post 6x10; Eddie processes Buck's condition, deals with his feelings, and tells Christopher. ]

chapter song:
{motion by peter sandberg}

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"Dad?" I hear Chris quietly call out for me from down the hall when I close the front door behind me, but I don't respond. My feet carry me to the couch where I collapse into a pile of bruised flesh and bones.

"Hey, dad," he tries again, this time it sounds closer than before.

The self-help book on the coffee table in front of me catches my attention. One of Buck's that he left. At first, I thought him forgetting his stuff around the house was simply because he was forgetful. He recently informed me he did it on purpose in case he wanted a reason to show up unannounced even though he knows he's always welcome. Despite having told me he deliberately leaves things, he still does on the regular.

"Um...Dad?" Chris sounds desperate, like he can tell something's off. Something big. Something important. His slow footsteps make their way around the couch until he comes into view. I don't look at him.

"Dad..." he hesitantly says again, "Is everyone okay?"

And I knew he knew something was wrong, but hearing him ask breaks me down before I, myself, am breaking down. A single huffed sob progressively becomes uncontrollable as I drop my head into my hands.

Christopher doesn't say anything when I feel his arms attempt to wrap around me fully and his head lean on my hunched upper back. The sobs wrack my body and I do nothing to stop them, not that I could if I tried.

I kept it in from the moment there was no pulse to now— being wheeled through the glass doors on him while doing compressions, finishing the remaining hour of the shift due to other emergencies from the lightning, and going through the motion of saving lives, while being unsure of the one I cared about most in the moment.

The drive home was a blur. Highway Hypnosis, as Buck explained to me once. Muscle memory was the only thing that brought me back in one piece.

I hear a bedroom door open and quick floor-creaks when another person is suddenly in the room.

"Eddie," Carla. I don't look up but I shake my head as much as Christopher's hold on me allows. She sits next me, one arm across my back and the other holding my forearm.

"Maddie called me," She whispers before leaning in and placing a long comforting kiss on the top of my head while squeezing me as hard as she can.

I want to say this comfort from the two helps. I want to feel less anxious about what happened. I want to hear Buck walk through the door with his determined self and reassure me that he's just fine. But none of that is happening.

My breathing picks up, being folded in on myself not helping the oxygen flow. There's a ringing in my ear that is getting louder and louder the harder I gasp for a breath and the rhythm of my heart feels like it stutters to keep up with how fast it's beating.

"He-he's-he's," I pant out and finally lift my head up to suck in a breath, the cooler temperature making me aware of the dampness all over my face. I force out an audible breath that sounds more like a grunt and hum out the last of it to try focusing on settling myself.

"It's okay, Eddie," Carla tries calming me, but I can hear it in her voice too. The way it waivers and cracks.

The panic isn't subsiding, but I don't want Chris seeing anymore of me like this than he needs to.

"Chris, go-go...I'll- just," I attempt. Carla can tell what I'm getting at and stands to redirect him.

"Okay, let's get ready for bed now. I already let you stay awake until he came home. C'mon," She gently takes him off of me and leads him back to his room.