Aye, Love!

Chapter-6

Keshav

Past is not always history.

Experiences have a mind of their own. They stop you from doing the same mistake twice, reminding you what you had to go through to earn their existence in your mind. Sometimes they lead you to the right path and sometimes they lead you to your destruction. But you will always find them on the other end of the pain, the suffering, and they are all you'll be left with, they are what you carry for the rest of your life. They are the ones that know you the best because whatever you've been through, they have been through it too. Because that's all they are, experiences.

They take up a challenge and feed you the knowledge gained by it, they mold you into something new. One moment of such experience can either break you or make you. One such moment in my life occurred on 14th December, at 6:15 in the evening.

I have prepared for many contests and competitive examinations in the past and had to speak in front of a huge crowd in a closed room, but sitting in front of the girl I love, watching her sing with such passion, my heart raced out of my chest at the sight of her blissful face has brought me to an anxious state like no other well-versed experiences of me receiving an award or a medal had. It made me lose my mind to the point of disregarding the boundaries I built to keep her safe from me.

I have initiated the first touch, pushing the lines, and daring to step on the other side. It wasn't the first time we touched but all the other times, it was innocent and friendly, and there was nothing innocent about the way I looked at her yesterday. When she hugged me, I didn't resist, not even for a second did I think about what this could lead to. The consequences didn't matter at that moment, not when her beautiful voice is still ringing in my head.

I held her in my arms for the first time and it was more than I ever let myself fantasize about. All day today, my mind kept slipping into the memory of the hug, just like it's slipping now.

I strolled around the campus mindlessly. Usually, I study whenever I am bored, but today there was nothing left to study and I want to try something new, so I decided to take a walk. Yesterday, I received a message from my mother talking about the divorce. There is going to be a trial soon and they wanted me to prepare myself. They will be divorced soon, hopefully before the Pongal holidays. But I know it will be a long time before they separate, as I have no doubt that they will fight over the alimony.

I was passing the auditorium when I heard the voice coming out of one of the two mini halls under the auditorium. I try to block out the voice and move forward when I hear the pitch of the voice growing and I recognize that honey-laced voice.

After walking away from her that day, I haven't talked to her once. I knew the truth behind this silence, that has been nagging at the back of my mind, the noise conquering my thoughts. We were drifting apart. Just like my parents. What I feared the most, what I wanted to protect our relationship from, what made me hold back on my feelings, is happening anyway, and I haven't done a thing to stop it. Just like all the other times, I ran away. I know I would regret it in the future, I just hope it wouldn't hurt as much.

As the voice of a woman, I have failed to keep out of my thoughts filtered out of the hall, I stayed still in my spot. I could've walked away like all the other times I did, but something tells me I would regret it more than running away from her. Something about the melody and her voice drew me like a moth to the flame, and without my knowledge, I moved towards the hall. Sometimes, I think she is a magnet, the more I resist, the more I feel the pull. The more I pull, the more she pulls me in.

I silently slip into the mini hall, not willing to break the tempo she set for the song and settle into one of the front-row seats. It wasn't until my eyes fell on her, did I realize just how beautiful she was, the expression on her face one of concentration, making her even more mesmerizing. I wasn't even talking about the appearance anymore, it was the aura, I think, she carried while she pulls and pushes herself into the music like she was drowning in the rhythm.