Aye, Love!

Chapter-11

Keshav

Nothing feels righter than us.

Distance. I've lost the concept of distance with her. I stay away and here she is, sitting right beside me. I turn away and still feel her close. I turn over and get caught up in her smile. My eyes are helplessly stuck on her, my mind doesn't listen to me and my hands don't restrain. My body is betraying me.

We are not meant to be. Yet, here we are sitting side by side, one day away from the summer holidays. Yes, another semester is ending and we're still where we were a year ago. Slow doesn't even cover what we are doing. I can't pull away from her, neither would I push forwards into this relationship. It feels like we are stuck in an infinite loop of a single state.

We are not quite lovers, not just friends, then what are we? Why am I like this? I am a person with good control over myself but since I met her, I didn't keep a single promise I made to myself. For the first time, I am not winning, and I am not losing either but why do I feel this sense of loss every time I am with her? With each day passing, I feel her feelings diminishing towards me, which is a blessing. It helps me get over her. But the war inside me only multiplies.

I don't want to win her but I can't lose her. When did I become so indecisive? Right, since I met her. I know that the more I love her, the more I have to lose. Then, why am I not able to reach out? I am losing the fight against myself. I... - I just can't lose her.

My entire life, I have never desired anything with this intensity. This is love. That's what I said to myself until a while ago, but now? Love doesn't cover what I feel for her. Why? Even though we did nothing special, nothing grand happened between us, yet my feelings intensified. What is making me love her so much?

"You." The voice snaps me out of my stupor. For a second, I thought I said the last part aloud to which she responded, but then she smiled and waved a hand before my face and I realized she is just trying to get my attention.

"Yes?" I give my genuine smile.

"When is your train tomorrow?" I am returning home tomorrow. This will be the first time staying at home after they got divorced, which I am actively trying to avoid thinking about. Yes, the divorce trials happened during the Pongal holidays. While everyone celebrated the festival, I celebrated their divorce. The divorce was finalized after I returned to campus, which was good because I don't want to be there when they quarrel for the last time. It was decided that I am better off staying in my childhood home while my parents move out. My grandmother decided to move in with me to keep me company when I come back for the holidays. So, tomorrow, me and my grandmother will have the house to ourselves.

"Six in the morning."

"Hmmm. I am leaving at 5." I already know that. That's why I booked my ticket for six. I can send her off before leaving.

"Oh. That's good. Let me send you off then." She gives me that cute knowing smile before turning back to talk with the others.

We are sitting in java green, having our last meal on campus this semester. My last meal with Aadhira this semester. I ordered a Margherita pizza for the both of us with a lot of cheese. She loves cheese just as much as she loves to have it with Sprite and lots of gossips. That brings a smile to my lips and I chew on yet another bite of the pizza. The chatting goes on and Aadhira tries to involve me in the conversations as much as possible even though I don't mind sitting idle. She became fast friends with everyone I know. So much so that they invite her for dinners along with me. She's a social butterfly like that and who wouldn't want to be friends with her? She has a lot to talk about and will never let you feel alone. She has a habit of making her presence known.