𝙵𝙾𝚁𝙶𝙴𝚃 𝙷𝙴𝚁࿐ ྂ ᴊᴇꜰꜰ ʙᴜᴄᴋʟᴇʏ

ᴛʜɪʀᴛʏ-ɴɪɴᴇ

IN A FEW WEEKS TIME,
Jeff realized him and Polly would be together for a year, uninterrupted by a breakup or a trip to California. The anniversary was getting to him. Not in a bad way. In a way that left him wondering what would happen next with them. What was the next step?

On top of these wonders about his relationship, he had to choose what tracks he wanted on the Sin-é EP. He was aware of all that he would deal with when signing to a major label, but it still annoyed him how everything was so serious. Everything had a deadline and despite what his contract said, there was always a manager, producer or engineer telling him what to do.

Jeff watched the sunset through the large window at the end of the kitchen with yet another shot of whiskey that he downed to drown out all these things that occupied his already over-crowded mind.

Now considerably drunk, he walked upstairs, the spiral staircase rather troubling in his state.

He found Polly in her darkroom, hanging up photos to dry.

"Did you know next month, is a whole year of, you know?" He gestured between the two of them, his drunkenness painfully obvious to Polly.

"I know." She laughed at his current state, shaking her head.

"Why don't we get married?"

She didn't take him seriously, "I'll marry you, anytime." She said, only half joking, knowing he'd barely remember her words.

His brown eyes lit up, "do you really wanna, though?"

"Of course. Maybe not this instant though."

"Well, why not this instant?" He grabbed her hands in his. "What's stopping us?"

She stared down at their hands together, imagining an actual wedding and not one of Jeff's drunken rants. It was true what she said, she would marry him. One day.

"Because, we're in our apartment." She gestured around them. "And it's too late. No courthouse is open now."

"And you wanna wait?" He asked, appearing sad. Jeff was always much more comfortable with commitment then Polly was. She needed to be sure of things, many times over. Jeff didn't need to be sure, he only needed to be sure of his love, and he was.

Polly shrugged slightly. "I mean, yeah. We'll definitely be married by thirty. At least."

"Good. At least. But not thirty." He grinned. "Earlier."

"Earlier." She agreed, to appease Jeff.

There was always an insecurity somewhere within him that prompted him to think she would leave, as many people in his life had. In his mind, being married would take care of that worry. But he knew that wasn't totally true. His father had been married to his mother- that hadn't worked out. The thought caused him to get emotional, and he wrapped Polly in a sudden hug.

"I don't mind if we're married, or not." He mumbled, his words slightly slurred. "As long as you're with me."

Despite the fact he was inebriated, Polly took his words seriously. "I'm with you, always." She responded, still wrapped in his embrace.

"And you're not gonna leave?"

Polly's heart sunk. She hated when Jeff went off on tangents such as these, drunk or sober. She knew why he thought this way, and it broke her heart that anyone would leave Jeff.

"And I'm not gonna leave."

༻✦༺

The next day, Jeff seemed to have forgotten his drunken laments, instead left with a terrible hangover and headache while wandering the Columbia building, eventually ending up in Polly's office, as he always did.

He sat on her floor, notebook in his hands as it normally was. He scribbled fiercely, his handwriting a reflection of his mixed mood.

When he looked up at Polly, it was reminiscent of the night before, her assuring words. He didn't remember exactly what had gone on, all he knew was that she'd made him feel significantly better- as always.

She did so without totally knowing the effect she had on Jeff. And vice versa. Jeff calmed Polly down, made her feel safe more so than anyone in her life ever had.

He watched her work, his eyes wide like her everyday activities were the most important and interesting things ever. He took special notice to her hands, wearing the two rings he'd gotten her, and he wondered why she didn't want a third.

Jeff stood and walked out the hall, Polly barely noticing. He poked his head into various peoples offices, eventually ending out on the street once more after realizing everyone was busy. So he retreated back home, back to his music and guitars. At least he had that, even if it felt like nothing else.

He worked on the song selections for Grace, each song reminding him of a different time in his life, of different relationships, the ones that had ended, the ones that persisted. The songs were incredibly telling and intimate, and it was scary for Jeff to bare his heart like that to whomever would buy his record.

But somewhere he knew the songs meant something to him, and that hopefully they'd mean something to other people too. They seemed to at Sin-é, at Fez, the Knitting Factory, in his own living room. So he also knew that even if no one bought the record, at least someone, sometime, had listened.

He stared at the tracklist, wondering if Forget Her should be on it. Columbia 'knew' it would be a hit. Jeff didn't want Polly to hear it, not knowing how she would react. He didn't want to find out how she would either.

So he crossed it off, though not entirely sure if it would stay that way. He had time to figure it all out. He played through each song slowly, making small changes and trying to perfect his covers to sound more his own. His voice filled the apartment, and he barely noticed when Polly came home, only when she sat beside him and kissed his cheek did he fully realize.

She laid back on the bed, kicking off her boots and closing her eyes as she listened, absorbed in the acoustic music.

༻✦༺