Make you mine

VI

Trying

It's hard to explain.
It seems like it's always in between.
happy sad-
Rest assured there are worries and fears.

Often, I don't even know.
Are you really fine or just used to it?
The type who gets enough sleep but still wakes up tired in the morning-
It's confusing what the problem really is.

Positive and negative things get mixed up in the mind.
So, but maybe can't handle it.
Will fight but might as well just give up-
Will try but may just fail and get nowhere.

A lot of "buts"
The "how?"s are lined up.
There are thousands of things that are uncertain-
So if you ask me.

It's hard to explain,
This feeling.
heavy light-
Just, "it's fine".

Sometimes we have to do things even if we don't want to. it's really hard, but that's the only way for you to cope and to continue. even if it comes to a lot of goodbye's, even if it means burning bridges, hurting others, cutting ties, and rending old photographs, there is nothing we can do but do it. you may pretend you're fine when, in truth, you hurt yourself deeply because you didn't want to make those decisions in the first place, but you have to-you must.

you start questioning yourself about whether it's the right decision to make. you start questioning everything whether it's going to be okay if you put yourself first. and it's the hardest part of living-choosing. it sucks when you have to choose between things, like, can you just take them all?

nevertheless, if the time comes when you must make a decision and you just have to choose one, only one, i hope you won't hesitate for a moment. i hope you won't give yourself a second thought. i hope you choose yourself.

"Ayan na pala siya"saad ni dad

Lumapit sa pwesto ko si dad "Pearl take care of yourself there, call me if you need anything or emergency happen, okay darling?"

"Yes dad i will, take care of yourself too don't stress too much" i said

"Yes i will"

Hug naman ako ni mama
"Call me pearl if di may maganda nangyayare okay? Kumain ka palagi wala ako doon para tignan ka"

"Opo mama basta magcall ako sainyo or i just visiting with you"

"Okay okay if you say so, go ahead para maayos mo din gamit mo agad doon"

"Okay mama, dad iloveyou"

"I love you more sweetheart" hugging me tight with my dad

"I love you too baby"'kiniss ako ni mama before i go

Sinalubong naman ako ni luke sa kotse niya at nagpaalam na sa mga parents ko.

"We're going tita and tito" he said

"Take care of her iho" mom said

"Luke yung pinagusapan natin" dad said

"Yes tito, i will"

"Let's go?" Tanong niya saken habang magkatinginan kami.

"Yes"

Tahimik lang ako kanina pa sa kotse dahil diko alam pano ko na kayang umalis ng bahay na kung saan simula bata ako dun ako lumaki.

And then in one snap I'm leaving that house for another house that I'm visiting when I'm a kid that time.

"Where do you want to eat?"

"Kahit saan na lang"mahinhin na sabi ko

"Sa bahay na lang mag luto na lang ako for us and then i will tour you to our house"