The Firestarter: How a Lost Girl Changed Our Lives

Chapter 9

"She doused the living room carpet with rubbing alcohol and threatened to light it on fire. The smell was suffocating. Evan and I barely managed to calm her down and take away the matches, but it was horrifying. Her voice was shrill and hysterical. We don't know what to do."

"That's terrible. I'm so sorry to hear that." Maria Smith's voice was sympathetic, but I sensed something was off.

"Thank you. We really need your help. Lily is clearly traumatized and suffering more than her weekly therapy phone appointments can help with. She needs more intensive therapy and support. Can you please schedule bi-weekly sessions for her in person? Or maybe even daily?"

There was a silence on the other end of the line. Then she said the words that shattered my world.

"Elise, based on what you've just told me, I'm afraid I have some bad news for you. I can't schedule anything for Lily because I have to take her back to foster care."

I gasped and felt a cold shock in my chest.

"What? No! You can't do that!" I sobbed into the phone, clutching it with trembling hands. "You can't take her away from me. You can't take away my world."

"I'm sorry, but it looks like you were right all along. You are not qualified or prepared to deal with her issues. I have no choice. Lily is too dangerous and unstable to live with you and Evan." The social worker's voice was cold and distant, as if she was talking about a broken toy, not a human being. Not a child who needed love and care. Not a child who deserved a chance.

"But we love her! She's our family! She's my sister!" I sobbed into the phone, clutching it with trembling hands. I felt a surge of panic and desperation. How could she do this to us? How could she do this to Lily? How could she rip us apart like this?

"Elise, you barely know her. You've only had her for three weeks. She's not your sister, she's your half-sister. For whatever reason, she's acting out to hurt you and herself." The social worker's voice was harsh and dismissive, as if she was trying to convince herself more than me. As if she didn't care about the bond we had formed. As if she didn't see the pain in Lily's eyes.

"She's just confused and scared. She needs us. We can help her heal. We can be a family." I begged her, hoping to appeal to her compassion and empathy. I knew Lily had problems. I knew she had suffered a lot in her short life. But I also knew she had a good heart. She had shown me glimpses of it. She had laughed with me, cuddled with me, called me sis. She had opened up to me.

"Elise, you're deluding yourself. You can't help her. Accept the fact that you tried your best. That's all I asked of you. But it didn't work out. You need to forget about adopting Lily and focus on your own life. You and Evan." The social worker's voice was firm and final, as if she was closing a case file, not breaking a bond. As if she was erasing our memories, not destroying our dreams. As if she was doing us a favor, not ripping out our hearts.

"How can you say that? How can you be so cold and heartless? You're supposed to be a social worker. You're supposed to care about children." I snapped at her, feeling angry and betrayed. She was supposed to be on our side. She was supposed to help us make this work. She was supposed to care about Lily. She was supposed to protect her, not abandon her. She was supposed to give her a chance, not take it away. She was supposed to love her, not hurt her.

"I do care about children. That's why I'm doing this. Lily needs professional help, not amateurs. She needs a stable and secure environment. She needs consistency and structure. To be frank, by your own account, you snapped at Lily several times. She needs to be with people who understand her condition, not strangers who pity her." The social worker's voice was stern and accusatory, as if she was blaming me for Lily's behavior, not acknowledging the challenges we faced.

"We're not strangers. We're not amateurs. We're not chaotic or dysfunctional. We're her home. We're her hope. We're her family. And we understand her better than anyone." I insisted with conviction, feeling tears sting my eyes. I wanted to defend myself, but more importantly, I wanted to defend Lily. She was not a problem to be solved or a burden to be discarded. She was a child to be cherished and nurtured.

Maria said in an icy voice, "Elise, I understand that this is difficult for you, but we have to do what's best for Lily. We have to follow the rules. We have to end this now. I'll come over tomorrow at 9 a.m. to pick her up."

I felt a surge of panic and disbelief. I clutched the phone to my ear, hoping I had misheard her. "No, please! You can't take her away from us! We love her, and she needs us!" I begged, my voice cracking. My heart breaking.

She said, "I'm sorry, Elise, but Lily's welfare and safety is our priority. She has to go back to foster care, perhaps an institution. Goodbye." She said it so casually. So coldly. So cruelly.

She hung up before I could say anything else. I stared at the phone, tears streaming down my face. I felt like someone had stabbed me in the heart. I dropped the phone and slumped to the floor, sobbing uncontrollably.

Evan dashed in from the living room. He had heard everything. He knelt down beside me and hugged me tightly, holding me close. He looked at me with anguished and tender eyes. He looked at me with love and pain.

He whispered softly in my ear, "I'm so sorry, honey. I know how much you love Lily." I felt his warm breath on my skin, his gentle voice in my ear.

I could barely speak, but between sobs I managed to say, "Tomorrow morning. That's all we have left." I tasted the salt of my tears, the bitterness of my words.

He nodded and kissed my forehead. He said firmly, "We can't let them do this. We have to fight for her." I felt his lips on my skin, his strong voice in my head. I felt his determination and his courage.

I leaned into his embrace, feeling a glimmer of hope amidst the despair. He was right. We had to do everything we could to make sure Lily came back to us. I whispered, "Thank you for being here, Evan. I don't know what I'd do without you." I felt his arms around me, his heartbeat in sync with mine. I felt his support and his comfort.

He smiled gently and said tenderly, "You don't have to do this alone, Elise. We're in this together." His eyes sparkled, his lips curved.

But then something snapped inside me. I pushed him away with all my strength. He stumbled back and looked at me with confusion and hurt. I glared at him with fury and contempt. I heard him gasp, his voice crack. I heard his shock and his pain.

I glared at him and shouted, "You're wrong, Evan. You're so wrong. I warned you from the start that I wasn't cut out for Lily. My health and my outbursts would only hurt a girl who's already been through so much. She's too much like me. She reflects my pain and my flaws. She reminds me of everything I hate about myself. Maria knows that. She sees right through us. That's why she's taking Lily away. And it's all your fault. You pushed Lily on me. You forced me to bond with her even when I resisted. You didn't care about our feelings. You only cared about your own fantasy of playing the hero and giving us a 'happily ever after.' But that's not how life works, Evan. Life is hard and cruel and unfair. And you've made it worse for both of us. How can you be so blind? Or are you just evil?"

He shook his head and tried to soothe me. He said softly, "That's not true, Elise. I love you and I love Lily. I know we have problems. I'm not naive about that. But I want us to be a family. I want us to overcome our challenges together. We can still fix this. We can still make it work if we don't give up. Let's take some time to think this through." He reached out his hand and caressed my arm gently. He looked at me with earnest and pleading eyes. He radiated his love and his hope.

But I didn't listen to him. I was too wounded and furious to hear anything he said.

"Get away from me, Evan." I snapped. "I hate you. You've destroyed two lives. You're the worst thing that ever happened to me. You've lost Lily forever, and you've lost me too."

I turned my back on him, stormed into my room and slammed the door behind me. I couldn't even begin packing. As I sat on my bed, crying and shaking with anger and despair my eyes drifted to the jagged teeth of the barren mountains to the north. The road slithered through them like a rattlesnake bent at painful angles. It beckoned me.