The Firestarter: How a Lost Girl Changed Our Lives

Chapter 11

I picked up the phone and saw his name on the screen. Evan. My heart skipped a beat. I pressed the green button but didn't say a word. He spoke first. "Are you ok?" His voice was gentle and concerned.

I looked out the window of my car. The sun was setting behind the mountains, painting the sky in shades of orange and purple. It was a breathtaking sight, but I felt nothing. "I'm admiring sunset from the mountains. It's beautiful here." I lied.

"I understand why you're angry and scared. I'm sorry for pushing you too hard to look after Lily. I should have respected your point of view more. I love you and I don't want to lose you. I need you by my side."

His words reached me through the phone, making my stomach twist and turn. I clenched my teeth and gripped the steering wheel. I loved him. I did. "I'm sorry too." I whispered. "Maybe you were right to push me. I love you and Lily." I thought of my sister and how much she needed me and Evan. I had said I was not cut out for this. And I was right. I felt like a balloon was about to burst. "I don't know if I can handle this. I'm overwhelmed and hopeless."

"I can't pretend to know how you feel. I can't imagine what it's like to live with borderline personality disorder. But I know how it feels to be desperate and hopeless sometimes. It's hard to cope with my own issues and Lily's issues too. We face a lot of obstacles in our way. But I have faith in us. I have faith in you and me and Lily. You are my family. You are my everything. Please come back home. We can work this out together."

I didn't say anything for a while. I just listened to his breathing on the other end of the line. I thought of Lily and how much she counted on me and Evan. I loved Evan so much. He was a beacon of light in the dark and stormy night of my emotions. How could I leave him behind? What a wonderful life we could build together. I was scared and doubtful. But Evan gave me courage. Maybe there was another way to face my fears than driving off a cliff. "I want to try too. I want to be with you and Lily. I want to give us a chance. I will stand by you, Evan. I love you. And I love my sister."

"I'm so glad to hear you say that. I admire you. And I cherish you. We will do everything we can to make Lily happy and make ourselves happy too. Come home and be safe. The weather is getting windy."

I had made my decision. I was going to go home. "I love you, Evan. I'll see you soon."

"See you soon," he said.

We hung up and I sent a kiss emoji. He sent one back.

I began the long drive using my phone for navigation. The gold and violet of the sunset faded into the velvet black Mojave night. The road was lonely and rough, with no lights or signs. I only had my high beams to guide me. I could see the dust rising behind me, red in my taillights. I drove slowly and carefully, avoiding the two adorable kangaroo rats that bounced across the road. An hour passed and I was almost home.

A wall of inky gray loomed ahead of me, obscuring the sky and the desert. Oh, no! I hated the sandstorms that plagued this area. They made me feel trapped and suffocated. I had to get home, no matter what. I braced myself and drove into it. The wind roared and the sand whipped my car. I could barely see anything. The road was a blur of pale sand in the headlights. I hoped we had a spare air filter at home. We would need it after this. The car coughed and sputtered as the sand clogged its engine.

I crawled along at a snail's pace. The animals must have hidden in their burrows. They were smarter than me. The car shook and swayed as the wind battered it. The smell of Mojave sandstorms is unpleasant, but distinctive; it seared my nostrils and choked my lungs. The land sloped down unexpectedly, the car sped up, and I lost sight of the road. I was driving through the creosote bushes. One scraped the side of my car. I couldn't see anything. It was like driving blind. I tried to find the road again, but it was too late.

The cinderblocks of the abandoned cabin flashed in front of me. It was too close. I couldn't stop. The car smashed into it. The airbag exploded in my face. My blood splattered on it. My vision blurred. My awareness was an old florescent tube, flickering and fading.