The Firestarter: How a Lost Girl Changed Our Lives

Chapter 12

I woke up with a jolt and felt a stabbing pain in my head. I blinked and saw blood on the windshield. I looked around and realized I had crashed into a cabin.

The sandstorm was abating. The wind was dying down and the sand was settling. The moon was beginning to shine down through the sand.

The cinderblocks of the cabin wall that weren't hit with the car were in perfect condition, but the rest of the cabin was as wrecked as the car. The roof had collapsed, and the windows were long gone.

I tried to open the car door, but it was jammed. I reached for my phone, but it had no signal. I started to panic and wondered if I would die here.

I heard Evan calling my name. He sounded worried and scared. "I'm here, Evan! I'm here!" I was too weak for him to hear me over the wind, but I hoped he could see the car. We couldn't afford automatic emergency services in the event of an accident, but Evan could see rough location of the car from his phone.

"Elise! Elise!" There he was trying unsuccessfully to open the door. He wore goggles and a mask to protect him from the blowing sand.

"Hand me the crowbar!" He yelled at Lily.

My heart swelled as I looked at Lily. She wore goggles and a mask like Evan. Tears streamed down her face behind him. She seemed so small and fragile. I saw myself in her eyes when I was her age. She had endured so much suffering and loss. She had been betrayed by the people who were supposed to love her. She had lashed out in anger and fear. But she had also touched me with her kindness. She had made me smile and weep. She had given me a purpose to care.

Evan forced the door open with the crowbar. "Elise! Elise!" He shouted, his voice full of panic. He saw the blood splattered on the windshield and dripping from my head. "The ambulance is coming but it's delayed by the sandstorm." He tried to sound calm. He wrapped his jacket around my wound and held me close. In the distance I could hear the siren wailing.

I heard the siren getting louder and louder. I saw the flashing lights on the cabin walls. The paramedics were here. They got out of the ambulance and ran towards us. They were two men, one older and one younger. They wore blue uniforms and had badges with their names.

They asked Evan to step aside and let them examine me. They were kind and professional. They spoke to me in a gentle and reassuring tone.

"Hi, I'm Mike and this is Jake. We're here to help."

"Hi, I'm Elise." I said weakly.

"What happened, Elise?" Jake asked.

"I crashed into the cabin. I hit my head."

"Okay, Elise. You have a concussion and a head wound, but you're stable and we'll take care of you."

They checked my vital signs and assessed my injuries. They applied a bandage to my wound and gave me oxygen through a mask. They lifted me carefully onto a stretcher and fastened me with straps.

"Evan, Lily, you can come with us."

They wheeled me to the ambulance and loaded me into the back. Evan and Lily sat next to me. They held my hands and told me they loved me.

"We're going to the hospital now, Elise. You'll be okay."

They closed the rear doors, and we were underway.

Evan held one hand and Lily held the other.

Lily spoke first: "Elise, I'm so sorry for what I did. I was angry and scared and I didn't know what to do. I didn't mean to hurt you or Evan. Please forgive me."

"Lily, it's okay. I know you were upset. I know you didn't mean it."

"No, it's not okay. It was wrong and stupid and dangerous. I don't deserve your forgiveness."

"Lily, stop. You do deserve it. You're a good person who's under stress that no one should have to go through let alone a 14-year-old girl."

"How can you say that? How can you still care about me after what I did?

"Because I do care about you. Because you're my sister. Because we're alike, Lily. We're both borderline."

"What do you mean?"

"I mean we have the same condition. We have the same struggles. We have the same feelings. We have the same fears. Really. I know how you feel, Lily. I know how hard it is to control your emotions. I know how hard it is to trust people. I know how hard it is to love yourself."

"You do?"

"I do. And I want to help you, Lily. I want to be there for you. I want to be your sister."

"Elise, I need you. I need you so badly. The love that you and Evan have shown me in the last three weeks has been the most genuine thing in my life. You know those pictures we looked at together? The one I treasured so much? My mother was putting on a show; she was good at that. I love you and Evan, and I want us to be a family. I'll follow your lead. I'll do my best."

That was the moment that everything changed for me. I had a breakthrough. I realized that the whole purpose of life was to show my love and be loved in return. Nothing else mattered as much as that.

I felt a sense of duty and a bond with my family. Lily and Evan loved me unconditionally despite my flaws, and I loved them back. How could I hate myself if they saw my worth and accepted me? Loving myself was not selfish, but a way of honoring their love. I was worthy of being loved if for no other reason than that it allowed Lily and Evan to fulfill their purpose in life.

Therefore, I decided to heal from my mother's narcissistic abuse, which was not my fault, but a reflection of her own self-hatred and inability to love. Because of that, I decided to forgive myself, my mother, and my father for the past. I decided to forgive her for her abuse, and him for his abandonment. I decided to recognize, accept, and move past my feelings of grief, anger, and guilt.

Then, I was going to express my needs and feelings clearly and calmly, without blaming or judging myself or others. I was going to acknowledge my strengths and appreciate myself for them. I would pursue my goals and passions instead of feeling unworthy of them.

Finally, I decided to love myself and my family with kindness and compassion, to heal and grow with them, and to live and love them fully.

After that, I don't remember much of what happened next. The ambulance siren was fading in and out of my ears as I drifted in and out of consciousness. I felt a sharp pain in my chest and a dull ache in my head. I tried to open my eyes, but the bright light hurt them.

We arrived at the hospital and the paramedics rushed me inside. They wheeled me into a room and hooked me up to various machines and tubes. They checked my vital signs and gave me some medication. Evan and Lily followed me into the room and stayed by my side. They looked worried and scared, but also relieved and hopeful. They talked to me softly and stroked my hair. They told me stories and jokes to make me smile. They played some music on their phones to calm me down. They held my hands tightly and didn't let go. I felt their love and support filling me with strength and peace. I closed my eyes and drifted into a deep sleep, holding their hands in mine.