Escape A Barson story

Chapter 17

Olivia's eyes shot open. "Hey, you're safe, Liv." Olivia turned her head at the sound of Rafael's voice. He was sitting on a couch across from her. "You're with me at my house in Colorado", he continued. "You fell asleep after dinner. I didn't want to wake you. I have a few guestrooms." It only took her a few seconds to remember where she was. She wanted Rafael to keep talking."Rafa?" She moved a little to get an even better look at him, and her ankle throbbed. "Ow!. She whimpered.
Rafael jumped up. "Liv, I'll be right back, I'm going to get you some Advil.""Don't leave. I'm sorry.""Liv, I'm just going into the other room, I'll be right back—""I'm sorry." She choked out , as tears spilled from her eyes.Rafael ran to her, knelt down beside her, and took her hand. "Liv, it's alright, I want to take care of you, you're not keeping me from anything. I want to be here with you." His words made Olivia cry harder, "I know you're in pain, let me get you some Advil.""I'm sorry... I'm sorry for... for... pushing you out of my life!" Olivia sobbed. "I'm sorry for being cold, that's not what I wanted to be.""Liv, you're in pain—"I'm not crying because of my ankle.""I know that, but you're not ready for this conversation."Olivia cried louder. it was breaking Rafael's heart, slowly, and painfully. "Shh," Rafael said soothingly. "Shh.""I messed... up...Rafa. I messed up... so... so... much that you can't listen to an apology from me.":Hey, that's not true", he replied, squeezing her hand. "I will listen to every word you have to say, but you're hurt, you're in pain, I don't want you to say something you will regret,""I'm sorry, I pushed you too far." She sobbed brokenly. She looked down, away from his eyes.
"No, I love you unconditionally, look at me.""You say that, but I understand you have your limits" She spoke rapidly through tears, he wanted to interrupt her, but it was more important to hear every thought on her mind. "I ruined us.""Olivia Benson, look at me." She lifted her head, and allowed her eyes to lock onto his. Tears were cascading down her cheeks, Rafael continued to speak "I meant what I said, and I will say it everyday even when you're mad at me. "I love you unconditionally, nothing can destroy that, it's endless, and unbreakable. Do you hear me?" Olivia nodded, and with his free hand, Rafael took out a handkerchief, and wiped her tears."I can take my ankle throbbing, but this rift between us— is so much more painful... I." She took a shaky breath. "Can... can we fix this?: She whispered.
"Yes, we can", he answered, removing the handkerchief from her eyes. "May I get you an Advil?""Not yet, " she answered. "I'm so sorry Rafa, I'm sorry I didn't let you explain your reasons for taking the Wheatley case. I asked you not to defend him, because I knew you would get him off. You're the best. Kathy was my friend,— I mean I was her friend, I helped her deliver her youngest son." Olivia took another shaky breath."I hear you. May I speak?""Please", Olivia replied, encouragingly."I know that although your relationship was complicated, you valued Kathy's friendship, and if that was the only issue, I would never have taken the case.""I hear you. I know that you thought the NYPD didn't have enough evidence to put Wheatley on trial, and that made you uncomfortable.""If Kathy wasn't Stabler's wife, it would have made you uncomfortable, but that isn't why I took the case. That was one of my excuses. The NYPD didn't have enough evidence, but any other lawyer would tell you that. I am not in the business of defending dangerous criminals. I believe Richard Wheatley killed Elliot Stabler's wife, and I hate it. I don't want to imagine what Stabber is going through, if I do, I won't sleep, eat or live a productive life. I didn't get Wheatley off, Liv. I caused a mistrial.. I did my job, but I wanted him to be retried with more evidence. Eventually, I wanted him in prison. He thought I did an excellent job for him, so much so that he wanted to hire me as his personal attorney.""Did you allow yourself to think about what Elliot is going through, even once?"
"Yes, and when I did, I felt sick, and,,, terrified. When I defended Wheatley , I was looking out for your best interests. I never considered him my client. I gave the money he paid me to charity. You were my client! He sighed, loudly, and then continued. "You're a cop, Liv, I'm a lawyer. I know exactly what another lawyer would have done to you on the stand, and I stopped it. I protected you."
I'm just a stupid cop", Olivia whispered."No, you're brilliant. No matter how much you know about the law, you are not a lawyer. no matter how much you taught me about being a detective , I'm not one. I don't have all your training and you don't have all of mine.""I injured my ankle the first time when Wheatley had me run off the road. He paid someone to kill me. How could you defend the man who tried to kill me? He tried... to... take me away from my son."
"I didn't know what he did to you right away. You didn't tell me."
"I'm sorry, I should have, but you knew he was dangerous didn't you?""I had to keep him happy. I did eventually find out what he did to you, I had to make sure he never tried anything like that again.""How did you find out?" Olivia asked."Carisi told me. I have been keeping in touch with Mr. and Mrs. Carisi."
"You know that Sonny and Amanda got married", Olivia said, softly."Yes, I do, and I know that Sonny's mother has a much more traditional wedding planned.. I don't know when it is yet."Neither do I, Olivia replied. She took a breath, before speaking again. "Did you ever hear Wheatley threaten me?"
"No, I didn't need to hear him threaten you. He was a mobster."
"If you were looking out for my best interests, if you were defending me during the trial, then it's my fault he walked", Olivia said, softly."No, it's not on you, and he didn't get away with anything for long. He's dead.""He's dead," Olivia echoed, softly."I understand your anger, Liv. I know you see me as the defense attorney who had the gall to defend the person who murdered your ex-partner's wife, and your friend. I'm sorry I hurt you. I'm sorry I didn't talk to you before taking the case, that was my biggest mistake, and one of my greatest regrets. I hope you can understand now that I was protecting you.""You should have spoken to me before taking this particular case, " she said softly. Fresh tears glistened in her eyes. She exhaled, and spoke again. "Rafa, I didn't ask for your protection, I can protect myself. I don't care who is right and who is wrong anymore. I miss us."You defended me, you protected me, and I didn't ask you to. Did you think I wouldn't find out about your conversations with McCoy and Stone?" You did that behind my back. You never have to ask for my protection—.""Rafa, I.—.""I will always protect you, I have to, because that's what you do when you love somebody unconditionally.""Rafa." She whispered. "Just so we're perfectly clear, I forgive you, I started to forgive you before this conversation. Can... Can you forgive me?"Liv, there is nothing to forgive, I wanted the opportunity to talk to you, and you gave me that. I told you years ago, my gods are more accepting than yours.""I like your gods better than mine,: Olivia replied, laughing and crying at the same time. "Can we be us again, Rafa?""We already are us, Liv. Now, will you let me get you some Advil?"
"Yes" Olivia agreed with a laugh, after that her tone was serious. "You'll come back, and stay with me?""Of course, I will stay with you", he answered, he released her hand, got up from the floor, and went to get the Advil.Once, Olivia took her Advil, she asked Rafael to stay with her again, she wanted him to hug her. Rafael managed to get them both comfortable on the huge black couch, which was no easy feat due to Olivia's injured ankle, He found himself holding her, and just before she fell asleep, he pressed a kiss to her forehead. The kiss was not one of sorrow like the last time he pressed his lips to her forehead. He wasn't going anywhere, This kiss was one of promise.