The Outsider | SOA

Chapter 17. New Addictions

Juice looked down at the new patch on his jacket. Now, he was fully fledged a member.

Looking over at Happy, who had finally made an appearance again and who had watched him get patched in, he smiled.

Why he had gone ghost? Juice wasn't sure and never knew if he'd ever get the full answer.

But now...it was like he didn't exist. In fact, he was sure if this was a few weeks ago, Happy would have been ecstatic for him over getting a patch. Instead, he just got a clap on the shoulder and ignored after that.

It made him overthink. And he might have been spiraling over it.

With a deep breath, he tried to center himself and relax his anxiety that made his heart feel like it was going to beat out of his chest. He was getting overstimulated with the loud music, and all the talking at the party that the club had thrown for him.

Looking through the crowd, he desperately searched for someone he could use for a distraction.

To talk to... to keep his mind from going haywire.

It would be pretty lame of him to walk out of his party to go work on a car.

Spotting Chibs, he grabbed his drink and wandered his way through the packed crowd, trying desperately to ignore the people getting too close to him and bumping up against him.

That was a trigger he had learned to identify.

Juice finally squeezed by and found himself sitting down next to Chibs on the sofa.

"There's me boy!" Chibs spoke, "The ladies and I were just speaking about you and how proud I am of you."

Juice felt flattered, he even felt a bit embarrassed. "No," he spoke, "You're not serious."

"I am!" He chuckled, "We're celebrating you, Juicey boy, this is your party!"

After what felt like a while of talking to Chibs and socializing, where they did all the talking and Juice pretended to listen... he realized it wasn't working.

He made an excuse and quickly left, heading back towards the bar. Finding a pack of cigarettes left on the counter, he opened the package and stole a few before quickly sneaking out from the garage after finding and taking a lighter.

Juice stood outside in the rain. With his drink in one hand, that he put down by his foot to light a smoke.

He didn't smoke, at least not cigarettes.

Shielding the cigarette from the rain behind his hand, he lit it, slipped the lighter in his pocket and put the cancer stick in his mouth taking a few puffs.

He bent down and picked up his drink. He alternated between both. A few puffs, then a few sips.

"What are you doing?"

Juice looked up, noticing Happy was currently standing in front of him.

"Trying to forget." He spoke gently. "Without drugs, it's hard. But why does it matter? You stopped talking to me."

Happy sighed and grabbed the cigarette out of Juice's mouth and dropped it in his drink.

"Cut the shit. I know you're smarter than this. Another addiction won't solve anything for you. You know that. Don't keep relying on things to fix your trauma."

Happy's words cut through him like knives.

Juice took a sharp breath.

He didn't know how to feel.

"You're going to cry." Happy spoke as he looked at Juice. "You're going to have an episode right?"

Juice's lip quivered and he shook his head in hopes that he'd go away.

He didn't want Happy to think he was weak.

Now, Happy's opinion might mean the most to him.