Call It What You Want: Taylor Swift + Joe Alwyn

six

September, 2016

All because of that one night. That one night that Tom made me feel so good, I was still with him. We'd been dating for four months now, and even I thought I would've left him by now.

It seemed that every time he did something that made me so mad I wanted to leave him, he would make it up to me by doing something that made me love him even more.

Joe was still worried about me, texting me every day to make sure I was okay. I did appreciate him doing that, but sometimes it got a bit much. I think he needs to realise that I'm the one that gets to decide where my relationship goes, not him.

He continues to tell me to break up with Tom because apparently I'll 'only get more hurt', but I don't think that's true. Tom has been a lot nicer to me recently, it pretty much completely makes up for all the times he wasn't nice to me.

So far today, I'd spent most of the day at the studio. It was about 5pm and I was here alone, just letting myself write whatever came to mind.

I had come up with some lyrics I liked about a night I had with Joe a few weeks ago. He drunk texted me asking me to meet him at a bar on the Eastside, and although it took some convincing, I agreed to go.

I didn't really know where this song was going, but I wrote down the first few things that came to my mind.

Dive bar on the East Side, where you at?
Phone lights up my nightstand in the black
Come here, you can meet me in the back

Dark jeans and your Nikes, look at you
Oh, damn, never seen that color blue-

Thats all I managed to come up with. But I'd call that pretty good progress.

I decided to go home for the day when my brain started to hurt.

"Hey baby how was your day?" Tom asked as I walked through the door.

"It was good, I got a fair bit done." I smiled as I went to sit down on the couch next to my boyfriend.

"You're looking a lot skinnier Tay, I like it." He smirked as he looked me up and down.

I smiled at Tom, very happy that he had noticed a difference. I was trying really hard to lose weight for him since he always said he liked girls that are skinny. So if staying skinny meant going to the gym all the time and barely eating, that's what I was going to do.

"How about we go upstairs and I can really look at your body." Tom said as he slid closer to me.

"I'm kind of tired... can we just watch a movie or something?"

"Come on baby... just do it for me..?" Tom mumbled as he placed his hands all over my body.

Suddenly all the reasons I didn't like Tom came flooding back into my brain. He did this kind of thing way too often. He would make me feel bad about not having sex with him, then get angry and me until I made it up to him, with sex. That seemed to be all he wanted. Just sex. Maybe that's why he liked it better when I'm skinny, cause he wanted to use my body. Maybe that's what caused my brain to tell me I needed to stop eating. Maybe that's why I'm so completely miserable, but gaslighting myself into thinking i'm fine.

"No Tom, and please don't touch me." I said sternly, grabbing his hands and pulling them off me.

"What the fuck Taylor what's wrong with you?!"

"Nothing is wrong with me... I'm just not in the mood to have sex right now. Why can't you seem to understand that?" I said, standing up to walk away.

Tom quickly got up and grabbed hold of my hands, so tight that I couldn't even try to let go.