trouvaille and sunlight

fine rain

there's a reason why i always smile at his jokes.
we could laugh as much as we spoke.

teeth were gritted, yet knees were
numb
slowly wrote 'happy birthday'
below his left thumb.

we used to sit together in class, until we didn't.
we used to be at parties, until we can not.
we used to talk a lot, until we wouldn't.
i was used to look for him in every crowd,
i guess i should not.

it turns out it was more confusing
to fall in love the second time around.

if i had a memory to choose
i don't know, they all turned into blues.
and it was something to lose
it stayed and turned into a bruise.

the light in his eyes,
the light is his eyes,
made me so blinded.
and it's a town,
it was all i ever wanted.

i'd dance in the rain and play with it,
it played me instead.

some people will look at you
no matter what distance
is seated in front of you.

some people
will tell you "trust yourself more".

some people will tell you
you are their favorite.

and some people will
laugh with you, until your stomach ache.

and they can still mean nothing.

i can't tell if i liked the mists
of the little honeyed words
i always missed.

brown leaves were once green.
his smiles were seasons
and he liked the rain
that never turns into hurricanes.

that's why it was always just drizzles,
there was never enough to pour.

it was so easy to find his eyes,
it was as easy for him to look away.

and i go back,
remind myself that it was just a fine rain.
never a hurricane,
never the love that almost came.