Stars & Fingertips

A Picture Collage of Tragedy

"Is it always going to be this way?"

"No."

A solid answer to a timid question. I had asked this after I had been on top of you, kissing you until I couldn't breathe. Suddenly you had said "Don't mind my hickeys" and I was reminded that you were not mine.

You were never mine and I am stealing what does not belong to me.

"Sorry I didn't mean to make you upset" - but how could I be okay when you are with her.

You spend time with her and you are willing to love her in all of the ways I wanted you to love me.

I kissed you then fell to your side. I did not want to let go of you, or to stop, or to ever feel as if we were drifting apart.

But then I looked to my side and there it was- the picture collage of you and her. Up in your closet in plain view was her.

And my chest tightened up when I saw it; and my heart broke when I had realized the placement was perfect for something to see when you wake up in the mornings.

How can you do this?

How can you do this to her? To me?

Who are you?

I am not sure I know anymore.

But I did it anyways. I laid there and then it came: the twelfth time.

I do not know when I will stop.

I never want to.

And now you treat me differently. This past week you have been distant and the only reason why I could think you are is because I finally told you that you were not the only one.

There was someone else and I have had two. A measly number compared to your six, but it was enough. It was enough to anger you, to push you away.

I do not know if you will come back.

I do not know if I would mind.

I do not know if it will always be this way,

But I pray to God it will change.