Alone

U

Everyone started to order their food but I didnt know what to get I looked at the menu with haze feeling a bit light headed, the words look slightly blurring.

"Joshua....Joshua!." "Huh?." I said looking around seeing everyone's Eyes on me.

"What would you like to order." Seungcheol said, Joshua didn't know he didn't have time to look at the menu properly because his vision was blurry, he heard a couple sighs and huffs and he finally spoke up. "I would like the same as seungcheol." Joshua says seungcheol looked at the other weirdly but shrugged. You just got them back and now your acting clingy...pathetic.

The atmosphere at the table was lively and cheerful, with everyone seemingly having a great time. However, I found myself unable to join in on the laughter and conversation. I felt unworthy of speaking or laughing at anyone's jokes, and even the thought of lifting my head made me anxious. Despite my discomfort, I didn't want to draw attention to myself or be told to participate in their mini game. It was nerve-wracking, but seeing my members happy brought me some sorta joy.

As the workers slowly starter to bring the food out my stomach started to feel painful again my head started to ache again everything Is just coming back on to me like a lost leaf.

Everyone started to eat but I just couldn't I stared at the food not wanting to eat It. Are you sure you want to eat that your gonna get fat and puffy tomorrow. The voice said.

"Are you gonna eat hyung." Jun says.

"Um I don't kn-."

"Are you serious hyung! Everything is just wrong with you nowadays! You dont feel good!, your always acting out!, not everything revolves around you, and the fact you could just waste food while our manager saved up their money to take us out to a nice dinner says alot about you hyung!." Everyone was stunned about Chans outburst but Joshua was even more shocked he didnt know their manager paid for this, from the corner of his eye he see seungcheol clench his jaw his fist bawling tight, shit now he made seungcheol angry.

"Hey Chan chill joshua isnt feeling well." Woozi says.

"No its fine hes right Im gonna go to the restroom." Joshua left the table and ranned to the bathroom he bawled his eyes out, seeing this opportunity he finally took a chance to make himself throw up. Now since you did that slit since you disappointed seungcheol and your dongseang!. The voice in my head viciously screamed repeated the word Fat Pig Disgusting you disappointed your members Pathetic. I took my pocket knife and slowly slit my wrist I couldnt even count I just slit whatever and It felt Fucking good it felt like I release all my pain and hurt.

"Hey hyung?, you in here?." Vernon says.

"Um yeah Im almost done Im just fixing my outfit I would be right out." Joshua says joshua wipe his tears away, he walked out to see vernon waiting by the stalls.

"H-Hyung have you been crying?." Vernon said he felt instantly bad for the other he instantly hugged the other, he felt small sniffles and heard some soft sobs, hearing that made his heart break he also thinks his hyungs and Chan have been a little ruff with Joshua and he obviously didn't deserve any of this thats happening to him, they stayed there for a while into the other stop crying.

"Are you okay hyung?, you know im here for you we're here for you and I know the rest of the guys been really weird and angry with you but i guarantee you that they still care for you hyung, I will try to talk to Chan hes probably still upset about that push." Vernon says, joshua instantly shook his head maybe a little to hard because he instantly felt a small headache and stumbled a bit, " woah there take it easy hyung you just bawled your eyes out." Vernon says half jokingly half serious.

"Dont tell the members about what you saw tell them you just helped me with my clothes and dont talk to Chan hes right." Joshua says, vernon furrowed his eyebrows, "Hyung you were literally just bawling your eyes out and on top of that your not feeling well, Chan shouldnt have talked to you that well all of this is weird to me and things need to change around here it feels different when you're not around its like your here but not physically and mentally here with us-."

"I know vernon its just please dont tell the members about what you saw please vernon i beg you." Joshua said his eyes welling up once again.
"Okay okay just dont cry please hyung it hurts seeing you like this." Joshua nodded immediately wiping his tears not wanting to upset the other, It feels like he only have vernon on his side.

.

(Chan's a real shit but you will see why)