Endless War

XI

"They can't kill you if they're dead."

-General Shepherd explaining training tactics to his soldiers

"Here we disembark."

Link looked around at the barren land around his team. It was...pitiful.

Dead and dying grass. No trees, or if there were trees, mostly dead. Not a single animal. Yuri kicked up a cloud of dust from the ground. Yeah, that dirt wasn't fertile. Even the air smelled tainted, as if evil had decided to leave its presence.

This place was terrible by Hylian standards: no crops, food, or life.

But is it like this over in Lorule, 300 miles away?

The CIA briefing had very thin intel on Lorule's actual geography, only vague descriptions of the most concentrated cities and towns, which wouldn't be helpful if you planned to stay away from all the villages for the sake of stealth, goddamnit. Not only that, but it had failed to provide any information about the Lorulean Army. However, it had been noted by one agent that the army was seriously corrupt, especially at the higher levels. Training had also been nonexistent, and equipment was whatever they could find.

No wonder Lorule is in such a state of decline from these...gangsters. Yes, that is what Arthur Moore called them.

"Quit slacking around, Link, and get on your horse. We have a lot of riding to do tonight."

Link looked up at Reznov, who was attaching his saddlebags to his big black horse. He noted that he, as well as Yuri, were going to be riding saddleless.

Link nodded, and he, too, mounted up.

Slowly, the train pulled away. And with it, their only lifeline back to Hyrule.

....................................................................................................

Noble Team continued riding until they came to the border between Lorule and Hyrule.

Damn. Looks like the army might be trash, but border patrol still seems as strong as ever.

Everybody shared a quick look of disbelief. That damn judge/intelligence director had told them the planned infiltration spot would be free of guards. But here they saw not an area devoid of guards but at least 17 guards, all standing ramrod straight with their spears and swords ready.

"Really?" Soap hissed. "Who stands guard at 0130 hours? There's nobody even awake at that time." He paused and then realized that everybody was looking at him. "Sorry."

As quietly as possible, Turner dismounted from his horse, though his foot got caught in the stirrup; he nearly fell to the ground with his foot still in the saddle. Only Reznov prevented a loud announcement to the world that there was an invasion group. Turner looked sheepish under Reznov's stern glare but quickly regained his composure as he beckoned everybody to gather around. It was also necessary to send the horses away, as they would be a liability for the mission. Link hoped the horses would find their way back to the castle.

"Alright, we must figure out what to do with those guards." Oh, how obvious.

"Well, of course." Mason started reaching into his pockets. "Maybe we can bribe them..."

"No," Yuri stated forcefully. "We may be able to bribe them, but we can't count on it. After all, what if they are not corrupt but are obedient, good soldiers?"

"We can't kill them," Link said.

"Little late to develop a conscience, Link." Ghost visibly drew his knife and inspected it. "All the men here are old beyond our years because of this war. Otherwise, we'd still be young."

Soap sadly nodded. "Once we were young."

Link rolled his eyes. "I'm not talking about the morality of killing men. I'm talking about the tactical situation."

Ghost rolled his eyes back at him. "Yes, Commander."

"I'm serious," Link persisted. "We kill them; we sneak into Lorule. Then come the next day - or I guess the next sunrise - people notice something sus about this particular outpost. They send men, see some dead bodies, and immediately go hunting."

Although it was hard to tell Ghost's expression because of his skull mask, he looked slightly impressed. "Guess you got more brains than I thought."

Link gave Ghost nothing. "So you agree with me?"

There was general agreement. Reznov said, "We need a distraction. Something that's entirely plausible and effective at the same time. And preferably one that doesn't involve fighting."

Somebody, probably Soap, quipped, "Somebody cut your balls off, Reznov?"

While the big man grumbled as soldiers do about their genitals, Link got a twinkle in his eyes. 

"Alright, here's the plan..."

...

...

"You can't be serious, Link." Mason, and indeed everybody else, stared at Link.

"A monster is always a plausible reason to leave your post." Everybody knew this to be accurate as well.

Yuri softly said, "It's not the monster I'm worried about. Somebody has to make some weird monster noises to get the soldiers interested."

"I can try," Soap offered.

"No!" The whisper from at least three people made the man turn sober again. Everybody glanced nervously at the border troops standing still as statues.

Soldiers... engaging...a new plan...

"Soap, I have a job for you. Since you're so, ah, horny..."

The veteran trooper looked paralyzed.

....................................................................................................

"It worked. I can't believe it worked, but it worked," Soap grumbled as he caught up with the rest of his squad.

Link had guessed correctly that the soldiers were bored and wanted some action, so he had sent Soap crawling a short distance away. Then he and the rest of the squad had crawled to another point on the other side of all the guards. And when all was ready, Soap started making enticing noises, which brought the soldiers running. And while they were running, the rest of the team ran through the open gate, leaving Soap to tear his way through the fields with the soldiers on his heels. However, the armor protected the soldiers and enhanced their movement speed, so Soap could easily outrun them, leaving the soldiers wondering where the phantom couple had been getting hot and heavy. And while Noble Team found it funny to see their opposite numbers so furious at losing their prey, Soap made it abundantly clear that he wouldn't ever repeat anything so dirty.

We're inside Lorule. We're really inside enemy territory.

What have we gotten ourselves into?