CARDIGAN

03 Cardigan & Love

Elyna took a glimpse of the clock on the wall. It was midnight and she couldn't sleep. The mansion was empty, leaving her alone with Bibik. Daddy not knowing where he gone for work and Mak Long was busy with her boutique.

She switched on the tv, randomly switching channels. A korean drama was played on the tv. It was a scene where a woman was dragged alongside the road to the bridge of Han River. She was then being stabbed at the heart and thrown to the river.

Elyna shivered, grinning her teeth. Flashbacks of the tragedy where her mum was killed similar to the ones on tv traumatised her. Her heart suffocated, she grabbed her phone and put on her tudung leaving the house. She thought that leaving the house could make her feel better but she didn't. In her long sleeves pyjama, she left the main gate walking horrendously. She constantly gripped on her chest and punched it hardly as if the pain would leave.

She kept on walking until she was soacked on the sudden downpour. Her feet blistered as she only walked with home slippers. Her legs couldn't take it anymore that she finally take a seat on the playground bench. It was pitch black where no one was around. Only the nearly dead road lamp accompanied her.

In her mind, Elyna knew she needs help and only one person came to her mind. She dialled Marwan's phone number.

Marwan: Baby, you kat mana?

Elyna: I dekat playground around 2 km from my house.

Marwan: I'll be there! Hang on!

Marwan grabbed his key and sped to her mansion, he was looking for the playground she mentioned earlier. He found her, tucking her face with her knees up.

Marwan: Elyn baby..

Marwan called her softly.

Elyna lifted her face up. Marwan unbuttoned the cardigan he was wearing and wrapped it on her body.

Marwan took a seat beside her.

Marwan: Baby, your pills.
Marwan opened the medicine bottle that he always have in his car for times like this. It was a calming pill prescribed by Elyna's doctor.

Elyna took the pills and mineral water from Marwan's hand. She gulped it down.

Marwan: Baby.. jom I hantar balik.

Elyna shook her head and looked up on the pitch black sky, no stars nor moon could be seen.

Elyna: Pakcik.. why is it so hard to be alive? Why does it still hurts? It's been  almost 20 years. Sometimes I just hate the fact that I'm alive.

Marwan: Jangan cakap macam tu baby..

Elyna: I tahu tak boleh. Kita kena bersyukur. I do Pakcik. I am grateful for the live that Allah has destined for me. But at times like this, it's unbearable. I am blaming myself for being haunted by the past. I kept on questioning what if orang jahat tu keluar penjara and buat I macam ibu.

Marwan: Elyn baby tengok I.

Marwan looked into her eyes deeply.

Marwan: You nampak I kan?

Elyna nod.

Marwan: And sekarang ni I tengok you je kan?

Elyna nod again.

Marwan: That's the answer. You tengok I, I tengok you. Let us live just looking at each other. Kita tak payah tengok or fikir orang lain.

Elyna grinned bitterly.

Elyna: Kalau lah senang macam tu. Tak payah wujud orang lain, kita dua je. Of course others are important as well but what I meant is hidup ni kalau I boleh simply ignore everything and focus on both of us, mesti tenang je hidup I.

Marwan: It's possible.. I'll help you lepas kita kahwin nanti.

Elyna: Cakap pasal kahwin ni kan.. I don't think I can simply love you. Dah lama kita kenal and I anggap you memang macam pakcik I. Someone yang I always be thankful too. 10 years ago when we first met, macam ni la pakcik treat me. Pakaikan I cardigan you. There's countless of cardigan yang you dah pakaikan I. Thank you pakcik.

Marwan: I buat semua ni sebab I sayang you. Memang la dulu I anggap you macam my niece tapi sekarang dah lain. I see you as a woman. Someone that I slowly open my heart to. It's a process Elyn and it tooks time. Love is subjective, try to look at another perspective where you can perceive me as a man. As a husband that you can lean to.

Elyna smiled and somehow touched by his words. It's not just a mere sweet words. Elyna knew the step that he took to love her is not an easy attempt. She had witnessed his love for Yasmin and it took him more than seven years to move on. He is only able to move on after being rejected twice.

Elyna also realised that another factor would be Mia. Mia's letter that request him to marry her and be happy. She has only been exposed about this 2 weeks after their engagement at Yasmin's house (Papa Mia, chapter 28). Mia left a big impact in his life, it was not odd. He had spend every weekend with Mia and acted like her father for 2 years. Mia was like his own daughter. How could he didn't give any thoughts about her last wishes.

Now, remaining another 2 weeks before the wedding. She needs to let go of everything including Darwish. Darwish is a good friend of her in University. He had been her boyfriend just because he asked for it. She never really loves him, it is more about filing up the emptiness inside. But still she's not someone who had no empathy. She needs to figure out how to talk to Darwish about this without him getting hurt.

*****

Campus

Darwish was hopping happily, he finally was accepted as a post-grade student at one of the top universities in the world.

Elyna: Happy nampak? Seronok dapat pergi Stanford?

Darwish: Seronokla tapi sedih nak tinggalkan kau. I'm gonna miss you sayang. Wait for me okay? I'll try to finish it up quick.

Elyna smirked.

Elyna: I can't wait for you.

Darwish stopped hopping and turnimg his body facing Elyna.

Darwish: Please.. tak lama pun.

Elyna: Seriously I can't. Another 2 weeks I kahwin.

She gave him the wedding invitation card. Darwish was so shocked that his hand shaken while holding the card. He read it carefully.

Darwish: Elyna & Marwan? Bukan pakcik haritu ke?

Elyna nod.

Elyna: Daddy I suruh.

Darwish: Please sayang tumggu I habis belajar. Takkan you nak kahwin dengan Pakcik tu?

Elyna: I can't.. I'm marrying him. Sorry Darwish I hope you find someone better. Pakcik dah tunggu I.. nanti jumpa kat sana. Bye..

Elyna left him in awe. Darwish legs lose its strength. He squatted down in disbelief.