The Past

Catching feelings

I sat on my bed in the inn, flipping through the magic book I had hardly touched since the ship to Lask. Anya hopped up on the bed to join me, though she was not quite so little any more.

"Pointless," I sighed, tossing the book aside and turning my attention towards my kitten. "Do you think we will find the Mirror?"

Of course, she did nothing but meow in return. A thought came to me right then, a memory of Machi, Athern's wolf. Animals did have a certain degree of understanding...

I jolted off of my bed and went straight out my door to the room beside mine, knocking loudly. When Athern opened it, I immediately stepped inside.

"Why so abrupt, Princess?"

"Oh, as you well know, I am quite sick of you mocking my title," I snapped. "I'm here because I've had an idea."

"Well, out with it, then."

"Machi, your she-wolf–"

"That's not her name." Athern crossed his arms, leaning against his wardrobe. "Her name is Ferrin."

"That's beside the point. She knew I was searching for the Mirror, correct? She was helping me." My repeated steps across the small room were making Athern uncomfortable, adjusting his posture with an excess frequency.

"Yes, she was. What are you planning?"

"Well, I figure she isn't the only animal with that capacity. If we could contact some of the other gods... well, we could have other parties in our search, across every land."

"That would be a brilliant idea, Kinheal." He moved away from the wall and closer to me, choosing to sit on the framing of his bed. "Except for the fact that Ferrin is unique. She is my sacred animal, bound to me and my thoughts and my wishes. That is why she is more sentient than a regular wolf. No god would part with their animal lightly."

I allowed myself to pause on those last words for a moment, trying to decipher what it meant that he was willing to leave her with me.

"Oh." I felt ashamed for having allowed myself to become overexcited at the prospect of using wildlife to help our search. I should have known that the gods would have done it before, if it were possible.

"Forget about our search for this week, Kinheal. You must rest."

"I cannot rest, Athern. How much longer can we travel with a baby?" Paves's child had long since been born, making me wonder if what Erisin granted our people was a blessing or a curse. Two months was a terribly short time to prepare for a child.

"What more can we do, Kinheal? We are doing our best." His hand took a place on my shoulder and, though I felt comforted, I could never help but wonder how much was genuine and how much was part of his sick game with Remor.

"I don't know, but we've spent half a year, almost, searching, and that's without going into each and every cave. What if we've been wrong, and it's not even in a cave? It could be sitting in some palace, or abandoned manor house. A thousand years is a long time." I shrugged his hand away, and walked over to his desk, where I stored the letters that the aelfs had given me.

"Exactly, a thousand years is a long time, even for us. Do you not trust that Remor and I are doing our best to regain our freedom?"

"No, I don't. I never know how much of you is a farce. You are destructive by nature, Athern. You hunt, you kill, you torture for pleasure." The wooden floor creaked under my weight as I walked back to him. "I don't understand you and that terrifies me. You're kind to me, yes, but I feel as though it is only so that I'll think you better than Remor, because you act like him except without–"

"Without a stick up his arse?" The grin plastered across his face did not belong on a god seasoned by millennia, but rather on one of my younger brothers. It was stupid, childish, and annoyingly endearing.

"I was going to say without propriety, and you've quite proven my point."

"That's just me, Kinheal." He got off the bed frame and stood in front of me, leaving us no longer at equal height. "Despite our differences, Aeremordus and I do tend to be similar. Many of the gods are, because we all do maintain a certain sense of propriety in our behaviour and speech. Some are less formal, yes, but most of us are quite similar. And Aeremordus, though perhaps more good-natured and benevolent than I, does have a dark side. Storms can be beautiful, but they can also be destructive and cruel. Storms can kill many more creatures than a hunting party can."

His eyes bore into my soul as I looked up at him, wondering why I'd never seen a dark side of Remor.

"He's always so calm."

"Because if he's not, he's deadly. I've seen him angered, truly angered. It is a sight to behold."

"So the key differences between you are propriety and restraint," I said, my lips parting into a smile.
"Perhaps that's why he's the better man. Restraint is hard-learned."

"A better man, maybe, but not a better god." Athern took my hand, and leaned down to whisper, "I never learned restraint, and I don't plan on it."

He pressed a light kiss onto my forehead and backed away. "Unless it benefits me, of course, and in the case of winning your affection, it does."

"You are convoluted, indeed. I quite care for you, Athern, but if it comes to marriage, you must know I'll take the man who isn't a whoremonger."

"That's very fair, but if you change your mind, I'll be here."

I turned to the door, confused with the exchange that had just occurred. I had gone in there to discuss our search and ended up discussing, well, whatever that was.