𝐓𝐎𝐎 𝐂𝐋𝐎𝐒𝐄. | 𝙏𝙤𝙢 𝙆𝙖𝙪𝙡𝙞𝙩𝙯

𝐗𝐈

𝐗𝐈

I SHUT THE HOTEL ROOM DOOR. As I walked in, my body slammed against the door. My knees gave out as I slid down to the ground. The tears in my eyes threatened to fall out before I could even do anything, before I could even stop them. As I felt the warm tears that were so unknown, I looked up. I tried to stop the crying but it continued, how I hate crying.

I wish I never left the house, I wish I never checked into the hotel, I wish I never gave in to what my brother was saying. I knew I would've regretted it even if I wanted it so bad, the humiliation was something I was afraid about and it happened.

My thoughts went to back then, years ago.

Tom kissed me for the first time, but shortly after, he had left me. I didn't know why and before I could get any answers the group and him had left for tour. It was a quiet and sad couple of months as I barely got any calls from them, even if I was the first one to call it would just be a simple 'hello how are you' type of conversation. It was never a genuine conversation we would normally have. Tom started distancing from me, but we soon forgot about the kissing incident, he mostly did to say the least. I never forgot, I never forgot that my greatest fear had happened to me. I knew it, I knew it was going to happen because I never get the good endings.

Even when the guys came back they never really hung out with me. Maybe a couple of dinners but it would be so awkward, it was like we were strangers to each other. So if that kept happening, I never even bothered to invite them or when I was invited I never even bothered to go. It hurt, it hurt real bad. Even after all of those lonely and crying sessions. As years past by I found a way to be independent, to be my own person. The fear of being alone, I just soon learned to not worry about it.

And those years, Dakota and I decided to take our little band career serious. I didn't want to become famous like the guys did, so we kept it sort of lowkey. We performed at gigs or just little small shows, we still got recognized on streets and stuff but never really worldwide or on the internet. So, it kept us from getting thousands of questions from the guys. I didn't have to worry anyways as Dakota and I practically became strangers with the guys. Of course we still talk and send little postcards or happy wishes but that was it.