If I'm There - A Noah Sebastian Story

Chapter Four - Who Are You

KAT'S POV
I straightened out my short black dress in front of the mirror and checked my red lipstick one last time. As I strapped on my black heels I heard a knock on my door. 8pm on the dot. Not that it mattered, or that he'd get brownie points or anything for being on time. When I opened the door Noah stood there, staring at me with wide eyes.

"Wow," was the first word out of his mouth. He was in a pair of black pants with a white tank top tucked in, and a pair of white Vans. Suddenly I felt over dressed, and rather self conscious.

"Is it too much? It's too much, I can change-" Noah grabbed my wrist as I turned to head back into the room to change.

"No! No, you look great. I mean, you always look great," he stumbled over his words, and I smiled at him. "We should get going, I'm starving."
We sat in silence for the first few minutes of dinner, and then he spoke.

"The guys really want to meet you, by the way. I was thinking we could meet up with them tomorrow when we dock? Just to have some fun on the beach?" He suggested. I shrugged.

"It'd be nice, I don't think I have anyone booked. I wanted to have at least one fun day."

"Was yesterday not fun?" He raised an eyebrow at me, and I choked on my water.

"I suppose it would have been if I had remembered anything." Noah gave me a smile and looked down, then looked back up at me.

"Okay, let's make a deal. Last night never happened. We never fucked, we never slept together, we never went out. This is our first one on one time." I cocked my head to the side and let out a 'hmph'. It sounded like a great idea honestly, and since not much was remembered, it wouldn't be hard to forget.

"I guess that works, I felt guilty for it anyways." Noah left my last statement alone, probably putting a pin in it for later questioning, and I was fine with that. It wasn't dinner conversation. It was more like three glasses of wine in a backyard conversation, which would probably never happen. I'm sure I was just a quick fixation, someone he'd forget about soon after we get off the cruise. But for now, I enjoyed his company.
I picked at my nail polish and shook my leg as we sat there, talking and joking around. Way deep down, I almost felt guilty for enjoying another man's company, like I needed to call my husband to let him know where I was, who I was with, that everything was okay. Only, I couldn't call him or even talk to him. He was gone. For good.

"Kat, are you okay?" Noah asked as he leaned forward. I nodded my head and he shook his. "No, you're not. What's on your mind?"

"A lot that I'm not ready to open up about."

"You can tell me anything, you know that right?"

"I know, but I don't want to waste my breath opening up to someone who's probably going to forget me and move on after this ends. I mean, you could have anyone you want. Why keep an infatuation with a tattoo artist from Pennsylvania?"

"Is that really what you think, Kat? That I'm just looking for a quick fix, a fling?"

"I mean, yeah, kind of." Noah signed the receipt and handed it to the waitress, but remained seated.

"Kat, I don't know what you went through, I don't know what you are going through, but no one deserves to suffer alone and in silence." Though he had a solid point, I still didn't want to open up. "I'm here for you until you tell me to go. It won't be easy to get rid of me."
Later that night as we sat on the balcony connected to my room we discussed everything there was to discuss. My childhood, how my mother isn't involved, how my dad and step mother have raised me, what my dreams were, then the question came up again; "What happened to your husband?" I sighed and reached for the bottle of wine I had room service bring up.

"I saw my husband, physically saw him and hugged him and kissed him, for the last time about 6 months ago before his deployment. About four months in I had a day off from the shop so I was at home just cleaning up and relaxing, then there was a knock on the door. I knew any time you see two men at your door from the base it's most likely not good, but nothing ever prepared me for it. You always see it happen in the movies, you say, 'oh, that's not gonna happen to me. He's safe, it's just a six month deployment'." Noah was silent, but his eyes held sympathy. I looked out at the water, mesmerized by the moonlight dancing on the waves again, and Noah grabbed my free hand in his. He placed a soft kiss on the top of it.

"Kat, I'm so sorry. I can't even imagine the pain you went through."

"I'd say it's okay, but even after six months it still doesn't feel okay. It just becomes the new norm. I wish I could have actually said goodbye, but I couldn't even do that. Him and his 'battle buddy' hit a mine. I said goodbye to a completely empty casket." I sat my glass down and wiped a single tear from my face. "I'm sorry, give me just a minute." I stood up and walked into my room, then grabbed a few tissues. Noah stood leaning against  doorway, his hands in his pockets.

"I'm not going to leave you alone like this, at least let me stay until you fall asleep," he bargained. I sniffled and gave him a soft smile. It was a quite intriguing offer. He stepped in and sat on the bed next to me.

"Look at me, I'm such a mess."

"You're a beautiful mess. There's a difference." Noah pulled me into his side, and I rested my head on his shoulder. He gave me a soft kiss on the top of my head. "Now, go get ready for bed. I'll stay until you fall asleep." I got up and went into the bathroom to change into my black silk pajama set, and when I came out I realized Noah had made himself comfortable on the bed, watching Attack On Titan on his phone. I crawled in bed next to him, leaning over to watch as well.

"I used to watch this all the time, and then I got too busy," I told him. He leaned in closer, holding the phone where we both could watch. It wasn't long before I fell asleep right next to him.
~~~~~~~
I woke up hearing a phone ringing at 9:00am, a phone that was not mine. I turned in the white covers, and saw Noah leaning over to check his phone, hair messy and disheveled from sleeping. He was still in his clothes from the night before, and I was still in my pajamas, so that was a good sign at least.

"Yeah-yeah, we will be down in a minute. We just woke up- no, it didn't happen again. We will be down in a minute, Nick," he argued on the phone. He hung up and placed it back down on the nightstand, then turned to face me. "You kind of fell asleep on me, and I didn't want to wake you up." I did remember falling asleep while watching Attack on Titan on his phone with him. "I'm gonna go get ready, I'll be back over in about twenty minutes and we can go down and meet up with the guys."

"Noah, that gives me no time for hair and makeup."

"You don't need it, you're beautiful as is. Besides, we're going to be on the beach all day." Noah got up and slid on his shoes. "Twenty minutes!" He shouted as he started to walk out.