If I'm There - A Noah Sebastian Story

Chapter Eighteen - Love Triangles

KAT'S POV
"So, hold on, let me get this right. You want me to go on tour with you?" I asked Noah as I poured a cup of coffee for Chris, our breakfast guest who rudely invited himself in. "I have work, I have a life, I can't just drop everything because some creep is stalking me." Noah groaned and ran his hands down his face out of frustration.

"Kat, the cops aren't doing anything—" I held up a finger to silence Chris.

"Shut up and drink your coffee," I warned him. I was already aggravated that I had come into my kitchen to see him sitting at my kitchen island. Noah wasn't exactly pleased with it either.

"Kat, bedroom. Now." Noah's tone got dark and I walked back to the bedroom that now adorned all black curtains across any and all windows, including my French doors that lead out to my backyard. It popped against the green walls that were so dark they could be black themselves. I remembered the conversation Chris and I had about maybe repainting, that the dark colored walls were too dark for my healing, but obviously I wasn't keen on healing. There was too much to heal. The moment I saw Noah everything, every emotion I felt towards my deceased cheater of a husband, just got put on a shelf in a box labeled, "Maybe we will deal with this later". The box only got pushed further back when all of this started.

"I don't even know where to start," he said as he shut the door. I stood with my arms crossed, looking up at him. "First, why the fuck does Chris just walk in and make himself at home?" He gestured to the door with his finger. "I mean, fuck, Kat! He has no respect for any boundaries, no wonder he slept with a married woman!" I was taken aback by his comment, causing my eyes to pop open.

"Out of all of the things you could have brought up—"

"Kat, I didn't mean it like that."

"I put everything to the side to be with you. My healing, my peace, my well being. All of it! I put it on a shelf, and all I ask of you is to be there for me! But you want to be jealous of Chris? The one who was originally there? You know what, if it weren't him I would have killed myself! Yeah, I bet he never disclosed that. I bet he never told you about the night he came over after I overdosed. About how he got me to the hospital in time. So, yeah, he slept with a married woman, but he also took care of her and watched after her. Even after she called it quits. Even after she pushed him out and left him by himself in a restaurant, contemplating everything. So I'm sorry if he makes himself at home. I'm sorry if he barges in and feels comfortable." Noah stood and stared at me, his eyes growing glassy, and his lip quivered. "It's the least I could do. Is offer him a comfortable second home from his."

"Kat—"

"What? You're sorry? You had no idea? You're glad I'm alive?"

"Well, fuck, Kat! What do you want me to say? I'm so glad that we had a threesome with Chris who is obviously hopelessly in love with you? I mean, how could you miss it? The man grovels at your fucking feet!" He ran a hand through his hair, then clenched his fists, taking a few deep breaths and assessing the words he had just spat in my direction. "I'm sorry, Kat, that was uncalled for."

"Uncalled for!" I raised my voice, it being squeaky and hoarse from the sleep I had just gotten out of moments ago. "We weren't even on the topic! We weren't even in the same god damned library! Does it really bother you that much that you think about it all the time?"

"No, Kat, it doesn't bother me that another man was pawing at you, the same man that had been pawing and pining for you months before." His sarcasm was heard loud and clear. I sat on the edge of the bed and rubbed my temples, willing the growing migraine away. I felt a dip in the mattress next to me, and his hand landed on my thigh. "If you do this, I will buy you every book you want, however many it takes to keep you happy and entertained." His attempt to change the subject was duly noted, just as his words that were daggers were also. "And when all of this is over, we will settle down, breathe, and discuss marriage." Marriage. Surprisingly, this time, it didn't feel like a bitter word. It didn't feel like a spur of the moment rush. I knew he'd mean every word of his vows. Considering that at this moment were going through 'for better or for worse'.
~~~~~~~
Later on in the day Noah ran to pick up some food for us to eat for dinner, and I decided to setting in for a hot bubble bath with a new book that he had bought me earlier in the day as a 'truce' for what he'd said earlier. Chris had spent the day swapping between my house and his, acting as baby sitter when Noah would go to get things. Though, no one had heard anything from Conner since we'd been back. Things were quiet, as if he were plotting his attack from the outside.
It truly was aggravating. I was getting sick and tired of always being looked after, as if I couldn't handle myself.
I sighed as I sunk further down in the bubbles, being careful not to get my new book wet. I rolled my eyes when I heard a knock on the door, and then it clicked open. Chris poked his head in, and I rushed to cover myself in the bubbles.
"Christopher!" I shouted. He chuckled and made his way in, then sat down on the bathroom counter.

"Relax, I've seen it all before." He made himself comfortable, leaning against the bathroom mirror and crossing his arms.

"Yeah, but this time I'm kinda, ya know, vulnerable and in a bath tub. Not to mention that I have a pretty serious relationship with a man that hates your guts right now." He shook his head, then looked over at me. His emotions were hard to read as his lips thinned into a line, and his eyes looked down to the ground. "What?" I asked him. He sighed through his nose.

"You gonna marry him?" His words were soft, yet edged. I looked up at him, the silver lining his eyes.

"Chris, I love him. He makes me... happy." I readjusted in the bathtub and put my book down on the ground. Chris side eyed me, his gaze trying to remain focused on my face. "You and I could never work. It would have been terrible. I'm fire and your gasoline. We'd burn the city down."

"Did you ever consider for just ten seconds that I'd burn the whole world down with you? That I'd light the match as you scattered the kerosene?" His voice was shaky, and filled with just a little more than desperation. I let silence dance between us for a moment, and when I opened my mouth he opened his. I shut mine as he said, "Kat, I've waited a lifetime for a woman like you to come around. Maybe I'm selfish, maybe I'm in too deep. But I want you to consider me. To consider us. For five seconds, I want to know I'm an option."

"Chris, I'm sorry—"

"I wish every day I had never urged Noah to come to you. I wish I had done everything in my power to make you realize how badly I wanted you." My brow furrowed as he spoke.

"You're the one that told me to go to Noah if I needed a shoulder. When I needed one he was there, and I will never forget that. Ever. I will never forget to softness he offered when I was hardened."

"And did I not do the same? Did I not force you to vomit in this very bathtub when you overdosed? Did I not hold you in my arms as I felt the life slip from you? Fuck, Kat, I can never forget that day. I sat there, covered in your vomit, crying as I felt your pulse start to slow. I knew when EMS took you that you were in better hands, that didn't stop me from pacing like a mad man in that waiting room." Fire. Flames. "Now I have to watch you get married to another man. Someone that never saw you in your darkest moments, someone that never watched you battle with alcoholism, someone that never watched you whither away in that bed."

"Chris, tell me what you really want to say, what is it that you came in here to say?"

"I love you! Every fucking day, I have loved you! The moment I walked into that bar, I loved you." A single tear fell down his cheek, and I felt my heart drop into my stomach. Suddenly, I knew what it was to be caught in a live triangle just as the main character in my current book series was. Suddenly, I was her. Trapped between the two men in my life.