If I'm There - A Noah Sebastian Story

Chapter Five - Grieving Was Not A Skill Taught in Class

KAT'S POV
When Noah knocked on my door after twenty minutes I had given up on tying my Black Craft Cult bikini top. I cracked the door open, and he got the message. When he got in he pulled the strings into a tight knot.

"I don't want anyone to get a free show," he whispered. I chuckled a little and pulled on my fishnet swimsuit cover and a pair of black flip flops, then headed out with Noah.

"Kat," Noah said as we approached the table where they were eating, "this is Nick, Jolly, and Nicholas. Guys, this is Kat, she's the tattoo artist." Nicholas smiled and stood up, then shook my hand.

"Hell yes, another fellow tattoo artist. How long have you been tattooing?"

"About six years." I sat down across from him and we started our tattoo talk.

"What's the worst experience ever?" It didn't take me long to recall my worst experience.

"I had a guy come in and request that I tattoo his girls name on his dick, he had a very awkward erection the whole time, it was terrible. I declined dick tattoos after that." Nicholas cringed and then laughed, but Noah didn't seem amused by it.

"Why would you accept it in the first place?" Noah asked as he took a bite of his breakfast that just got brought to the table. I shrugged.

"I was starting out, I got all the bad ones as the newbie. Now I run my own place so it's not a concern anymore."

"I had no clue you own your own shop now, when did you get it?" Nick and Jolly both let out a small chuckle at Noah's cluelessness.

"Dude, you slept with her and you didn't even know that?" Jolly called him out. I choked on my mimosa. They all knew about this? Was I trophy, a prize? Noah shifted uncomfortably in his seat, then cleared his throat.

"So," his voice cracked, "what's the plan for today?"

"To be beach bums until it's time to board again. Kat, you coming with us?" Nicholas piped up with his plans. I nodded my head, and he gave a soft smile. I felt Noah's hand land on my knee and he looked over at me, his brow furrowed.

"Are you okay?" He whispered as the guys carried on a conversation amongst themselves. I offered another nod, and Noah raised his eyebrow. "Kat, I'm sorry. They just, they wondered where I was and spun the story themselves. I didn't actually tell them-"

"Noah, it's fine. I'm nothing more than a shiny toy. I get it." He scoffed at my words and shook his head.

"You, my dear, are far more than that. I promise you." His words made me blush, and I looked down. When I looked back up I was met with Chris' piercing stare from across the way. He was sitting down eating by himself. I felt bad for him, but I figured that's how he liked it. No one around to bother him while he works on miscellaneous projects. When we made eye contact all he did was give me a smirk and a thumbs up, then went back to what he was doing on his Mac Book. I rolled my eyes. Did he know, too? Suddenly I felt self conscious, and I wanted to hide. The idea that everyone knew about my hook up with Noah after only knowing him a day made me feel... terrible. I put my napkin down on the table and grabbed my bag.

"I'm sorry, I have to go," I told Noah as I stood up. I accidentally knocked over my mimosa, but the mix of embarrassment from people knowing my sexual escapade, and the embarrassment of my clumsy escape, made me want to get away as quick as possible.

"Kat, wait!" Noah shouted after me. I kept walking, not wanting him to see the mess I had become.
~~~~~
NOAH'S POV
I watched Kat scurried away, then turned back to the table, cussing under my breath. Should I chase after her? Should I just let her run off, with the possible her never returning to me? I mean, that would be preposterous, we're trapped on the same boat in the middle of the ocean. Literally.

"What's up with your girlfriend?" Jolly asked, taking a bite of his pancakes. I shook my head and sat down.

"She's not my girlfriend." I slumped down in the chair, and then it donned on me. She wasn't just upset with me, she was upset with herself. I pushed my chair back, and stood up. "I'll meet y'all down there." I started down the hall after Kat, and caught her as she was getting on the elevator. I stuck my hand in the door to keep it from closing, and got on with her.

"Noah, what are you doing?" She asked. I looked at her face, it was red and puffy, and still wet from tears that had fallen down her face. I cupped her cheek in my hand.

"Kat, I need you to talk to me-"

"Talk to you about what? How I feel guilty for sleeping with a man I just met? How I feel like I've betrayed every vow I ever made to my husband even though he's dead? He's not coming back! I don't even know why I feel guilty! And I don't know what I'm doing anymore, I don't know how to live by myself, I don't know how to do maintenance around my house, if a sink was leaking I'd leave it for six months and wait for him to come back! Now, there's no coming back! There's no just waiting it out, my sink will forever be broken!" She began to cry and slightly hyperventilate right there in the elevator. Then, it became rather apparent this wasn't just about a one night stand, this wasn't just about her guilt, or even a leaking sink faucet, this was about her grief. Or rather, the grief she never met head on. Her erratic behavior was telling of it. The drinking, the sex, the distance she'd put between herself and any man she came across to. She was scared to lose anyone close to here again. I kissed her forehead and pulled her into my chest. All she needed was a shoulder, or rather my chest, to cry on. So, that's what she did. We stayed on the elevator for thirty minutes, and when she finally stopped crying she continued to let me hold her.

"You know what I think you need?" I said quietly, my chin resting on top of her head. "You need a drink on the beach. How does that sound?" For a moment I thought she was crying again, but when she pulled back she had a small smile on her face. I cupped her cheek again and wiped away any residual tears.
When we made it down the beach the guys had already set up beach chairs and an umbrella, and had a cooler filled with beers, White Claws, and a few wine coolers. I allowed Kat to take her pick, and shockingly she chose a beer over a White Claw or a wine cooler. I let a small 'hmph' out and smiled to myself, then took a seat next to her.

"You know, I never in a million years thought I'd be here," I said, breaking the silence. Kat looked over at me and smiled.

"What do you mean?"

"You know, here. On a beach with my band and frankly, the most beautiful woman I've ever met, and not worrying about where I'm going to be sleeping, whether or not I will make it in life." I felt a cold hand grip mine. It was Kat's. She had established the touch this time.

"I wanna see this beautiful woman you're talking about." I leaned back and raised an eyebrow, then brought out my phone.

"Alright, here, take a look," I handed her my phone with the camera on, and she lowered her sunglasses. Her green eyes were still puffy from her elevator crying session, but they were still the most piercing eyes I'd ever seen.

"I mean, she's average at best, but she has great tattoos." Kat handed the phone back to me, and I chuckled.

"She's got a lot of problems, but I can handle it. I come with baggage, too."

"Oh, really?"

"Yeah, I was even thinking about asking her out on a date. You think she'd say yes?" Kat put her glasses back on, and looked down.

"She might, but you have to make a really good impression." I wasn't hearing a no. As we sat there, lost in discussion about music, Jolly came running up to us.

"You two made it!" He exclaimed, grabbing a drink from the cooler.

"Yeah, I uh, I'm sorry about spilling my mimosa all over the table." Kat apologized, but it absolutely wasn't necessary.

"Hey, no, don't worry about it. I know you've been through a lot, I truly am so sorry about your husband." I watched Kat's demeanor, looking for any signs of a break down. None. But I knew deep down, it still hurt, and she probably would never be okay. She'd just learn to live with it.

"I think I will be okay. I'm in good company." She smiled and looked over at me. If only I could keep her this happy.